Barrybran II - Six Weeks In

[Barrybran]

Yeah, I haven't said much about my 180's. The biggest ones to date are dropping all relationship talk unless she initiates it, giving her her time and space and doing things for myself instead of my wife. Something I read early on that hit home was that when you begin dating you have your own life, your own job, your own friends, your own interests, etc. and you choose to share your life with someone else. I handed mine over to my wife completely. When I read that I understood the importance of being comfortable in my own skin. Oddly enough, I've become comfortable doing what I'm doing right now because I'm doing them for me; housework, yard work and games. It's not much but it's all for me and I understand that there are more changes to come when things start to fall into place.

I feel I've done as much as I can so far given the circumstances. Because of this, I'm more focused on what my wife wants to change while keeping in mind the things I want to change when the time comes. She's been a good sport by telling me some things she wants and since they're reasonable, I either make the changes or she goes elsewhere.

I'll be honest, I have developed a comfort with what I do where I live. I'm used to city life and being able to do the things I'm interested in. Living in the country now, I'm not interested in the activities and people here. Sure, there's enough for the average person and the people are nice but it's not for me. I've thought a lot about my ideal life here and it would involve going to work, coming home and chasing my kids, helping with housework and spending time with my wife and that's it. My special activities would include going to one of the major cities to watch my favourite football team play (once a year), planning a family holiday and maybe taking in some shows in the next major town over. It's not exciting but it's a compromise between what my wife wants (to stay here) and what I want (have a life by exploring my interests).

That's why I have to keep a lid on ideas like my wife telling me she'd consider a job elsewhere. Even in the next major town over there's 30,000 people versus 3,000 and activities and events to reflect that. To move would mean more to do for me but it's a throwaway comment from my wife.

This process has been valuable in helping me think about me and what I want from life. I've always known that I can't have everything I want, especially since I've lived in this town, but it's helped me to prioritise what I feel is important (my wife and kids). I've given up a lot to be here but I understand now that I can have what I want too and I have to explore that. Unfortunately, it's all tied into having a job but I'll get there.

My 180's are important for me and I've achieved the success that I have in such a short frame of time because I have made changes for myself. Now, it's time to focus on my wife's needs and wants because she's been good enough to bring them up. Mine aren't done by any means but things will start to fall into place eventually and I'll be able to make adjustments along the way.