I don't have much to add, just wanted to say that you have found a great community here, and you will be OK regardless of what happens with your M and your W.
You have a lot of work ahead of you. I am almost 4 months out from BD and every day I find a new thing I need to work on. Work on things as though, with hard enough work, you can fix them immediately, but understand that you simply can't. What happens with the M will happen . . . you can't control your W. Follow the 37 rules - they won't make your W come back, but if you don't follow them, you may end up pushing her farther away. That's all you can do with respect to your M. The rest of the focus has to be on you, so that you will be OK no matter what.
As FOTW said, GAL! Exercise, eat right, don't isolate yourself. Make sure you have things to do other than think about your sitch. Find your support system and take advantage of the help people offer you. All of this stuff sounds impossible at the beginning, but you will see that it gets easier and you will slowly start to feel better no matter what your W is doing.
Read some other threads here, too. And remember that feelings change. Just as you won't always feel as tormented as you do right now, your W may not feel as resolved to D as she does right now. Take it one day at a time.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
