Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

I have said that many times and truly mean it but she still sees it right now as "too little too late" Im sure, idk. I have owned up to a lot of what is my fault in this failing M. If there are others things I am forgetting she is not discussing those issues with me.

The big one was and still is the starting of a family. She just keeps telling or asking me why I didn't tell her sooner, actually the last time she asked was a month ago the night I moved back. I have answered that question to her by telling her it was because of the way I felt about myself for not having children much earlier with her. I didn't like the fact that I had waited so long to ask her and hated myself for it. Took me too long to realize that no matter what, if we had a baby, things would work out just fine. Stupidly, I thought the more we prepared for kids the better off we as a family would be. Deep down I knew that you will never be prepared enough for a baby but I was stubborn and thought I would be different from all the rest. A very self-serving attitude that needed to change. It did, but not in time to save resentment and a broken heart, and for that I am truly sorry not just to my W but for all that have been hurt by this attitude. I just have to keep going about my business and giving her time and space. Patience hopefully will prevail but it is difficult.

I am hoping with time and my actions she changes that view.