Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

I agree we should have revisited all facets of the household but we didn't. I wish we had!

After the S when I was not living at home. I would come over and measure things and price things up to do updates. This was the plan for this past summer way back in Jan 2013 before any outward unhappiness was apparent. So I was just trying to proceed.

The W would say things like " how will this inconvenience me" I said it should not be that bad. Another thing she would say is "you are throwing this in my face because we are going to have to leave anyway" or "I asked you to do this 5 years ago". We did discuss upgrades all the time but it was agreed upon, so I thought, that most of these upgrades not all, needed to wait till our beloved dog passed on. Unfortunately, the ones that could get done didn't because of lack of money and because of the way we had a habit of going out on weekends and being too hung over the next day.

That is no excuse but it happened. That has since been taken care by both of us I think but for sure by me.

As far as telling W why I am doing these things, I have told her that if something needed done and I wanted to do it I was going to do it for no other reason than it needed done or it makes me feel better about our house.

I told myself before I even thought of moving back that I would not let her getting upset be a reason why something I want done didn't get done. This actually has not been that big of an issue since I have been back home. In Fact, she is also doing things presently that in the past would just sit for way longer than needed.

These things I am doing now is stuff that she, if she chose to, could have done in the 6 months I was not here. I mean she didn't and still doesn't have job so there was plenty of time to complete these things.

These are things like scrubbing the carpet, dusting the furniture, overall cleanliness I guess.

She tended to the outside things on a regular basis (things I used to do) most of the time from what I could tell when I came over, but she left the inside go.

The only thing that has been said is she told me not to do her dirty dishes(maybe a plate or two and some utensils not a bunch of skillets, pots and pans etc). I said ok but didn't think it was that big of a deal as I already was washing my stuff. I guess to her it is a big deal.

I know all this should have been taken care of before this and she sees this as me just doing things to get her to come back but you have to start somewhere and I have begun and will continue to do it and have no expectations that this will change our sitch. It is however, as I said before making me feel better about a lot of things which I think might pay dividends down the road no matter what.