LRT

[JJAC2005]

lth - Thanks for the thoughts....I have tried to stay in contact with the kids and have asked many, many times, but she has denied my requests. Last June and July I thought I was beginning to see a crack appear in the walls, and was granted a brief few visits with the step-son, and thought that things were starting on an upswing but one day there was a miscommunication and after that we lost our privleges according to her...anyway, I wrote about that back in Aug. and the worst part of all that was that he was so angry at his mother that he ran away, and she had to call his bio-dad in to sooth the situation. After that from what she said, they both thought that I probably had too much influence on him, and should not have contact with him any more.
I had only gotten to see my step daughter a few times when coming to the house to pick up/drop off the boy, and although she is still warm to me, she declined to join us on any of the activited we were going out to do, she is 16 and has a little more on her social calandar, at least I hope its more of an age thing. Some of it might also be that she wants to show her loayalty to her mother by not participating. But I miss her every bit as much, and almost more so since I havent seen her or talked with her in such a long time.
So, I have asked....and both the children know that I still wanted to stay in contact.
As to my ex...she knows exactly how I feel, and I do believe that my absence is a little confusing to her as much as it is to me right now. I think she really expects me to continue to drop her a note now and then, or a text, or something.....and honestly, I have to fight myself each and every day NOT to do it. I hate myself somedays for still being so deeply connected and in love with them all....but wouldnt trade that experience for anything.
I would welcome any more advice if other vets feel like chimine in...
and of course, I thank everyone that takes any time to comment