Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

labug,

I know I need to let it go and I will. What I cant help but think about is what I would say if she admitted to an A. I need to approach a situation like that very carefully and although it does no good to think about things that may turn out to nothing it is hard.

I would need to tell W of course I am unhappy that she chose to go outside the M to find something that I was not providing for her in her mind.

I want to work on things but it cant happen with a third person involved. I still wont file for D that would be up to her and if she doesn't file then do I look like a fool because she admitted to an A and I'm unhappy but not enough to end our M?

I have taken Another Stander's advice and thought of the worst possible outcome, processed it, and have now realized that I would continue to fight for my M under these circumstances. Just need to figure out how to handle it correctly.


As far as helping with chores, that might be a bad way of explaining it. Thank you for pointing that out.

When we were first M. For whatever reason we discussed which of us would do what task. Easy enough, I was to take care of the outside and W was to take care of the inside. Pretty dumb when you think about it but it happened.

Realizing this was dumb I started to do tasks inside as well as outside. Not every time but a decent amount of the time I would do something that the W thought I did to show her up. This was not case but I admit that sometimes I would grumble about doing it and I see how W could have taken it way.

What would happen then is W would get upset if she saw me doing something that she perceived was her work. She would say "leave it I will get it". I would say "it's no problem" sometimes it was an issue but most times it just needed done and I was trying to do it. If I continued to try and do it she would get more upset and to avoid conflict or an argument most of the time I would say "fine then you do it" and I would go away to another part of the house. This wasn't always the case, there were times when this pattern would lead to full blown fights but on a whole I would attempt to avoid these confrontations. Which I have now learned is not a solution just delays the problem until resentment builds.

The problem is after an exchange such as this more often than not the W would then not do the chore. I would not do it because it upset her when I tried. So in the end it never got done and lead to the resentment on both our parts.

The 180 I am trying to do right now is not let a comment or an attitude from W stop me from getting things done that I want to do. I am now doing these things for me not to try and convince her to come back to the M.

I must say it is doing wonders for my overall happiness and actually the W is also doing things now that she didn't do while I was not back home. I think it just looked and felt overwhelming to both of us after ignoring these task for so long. After putting forth some effort I know I have realized and I think the W has too that it is not as bad as once thought and with some discipline these things can be accomplished leading to a much better overall outlook on things.

We don't have any children. So it was never a question of something be dangerous if it was not attended to.

I hope that by doing these things and sticking with the changes I have made. It will lead to a reconciliation and we can then start a family because the W will have the confidence that I will be a great Dad. In the end not having children earlier is what got me to this forum in the first place IMHO. I said that in my opening post and believe it to be the case.