PatientMan - 6th Edition - Acting Divorced

[PatientMan]

I have a few other friends, but they're all married and living that life, so it's hard to bond further/closer. I've met a few people while GAL'ing, but it just isn't the same. What I realize I've always been looking for is that one person to share my life with. Whether it was a best friend growing up, or my XW for pretty much my entire adult life.

And as I said before, casual relationships just don't do much for me - they don't give me that connection I'm looking for. And so those types of relationships almost feel like a waste of time for me.

I'm certainly more of an introvert, but I'm not nervous or anxious in larger social settings, I just much rather enjoy a smaller setting with just a few people where I feel like I can connect better.

In larger settings there are always the center of attention types that take over so I kind of mentally check out in the contributing department. I'm just not that interested in competing with those louder, center of attention types, and I'm quiet by nature anyway. I've always been more of an observer and listener. Very calculated.

I'm not "uncomfortable" in the larger settings. I'm an excellent public speaker. As a calculated observer type, perhaps the larger settings give me more information to take in and process, so maybe I feel like I'm working more instead of enjoying it. Just thinking out loud as this comes to me.

I also don't use the term "friend" loosely, so perhaps some semantics are at play here. My wife being my only friend isn't completely true, but she's the only one I spend/spent good, quality, bonding, one-on-one time with.

And because I'm so selective about who I let in my little circle of trust, I'm averse to putting myself out there a whole lot for people who aren't likely to make the cut - back to that waste of time/energy feeling.

I suppose this brings me to the point where I have to decide to learn and grow to help myself along in this process, and I don't know if I want to or need to change that part of myself. Do I sacrifice who I am to make things easier? I'm not so sure I'm sold on that as a solution.

I guess I should also admit that there's an OW kinda chasing after me. She very attractive and fun to be around, but I just don't feel any sort of spark with her. And sometimes, even though I've been divorced for 7 months, it still feels wrong. That's my value system kicking in and maybe I should be listening to it more.

I know there are some who are all for palette cleansers and getting out there to realize there is life past the failed marriage, but it just doesn't feel right deep down so I think I need to put an end to it.

-PM