Out of curiosity, why don't you feel you can share photos of the kids with your W? Has she told you she doesn't want them?
I personally don't see that as pursuit, especially if you used to do that before.
Even during our darkest days, my XH and I have done it. For some reason, the kids gave us the strength to work on communicating better with each other. For me, they were tangible proof that this journey was worth the effort. I can't speak 100% for him, but he loves his daughters and appreciated me sharing stuff with him. We still do it to this day.
But you're a better judge of what's okay and what isn't.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
There is an easy way to determine if sending photos is pursuing. Are you attaching an expectation or hope of your W reconsidering her choices? If the answer is yes, I'd consider that pursuing. If the answer is no, then it is probably not pursuing.
The answer probably varies in each set of circumstances. I'd venture to bet that more often than not, it is pursuing. That is up to you to determine.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I post things on FB just so I feel like I'm sharing family achievements with someone. You can post to family only if you wish to keep privacy limited but this way she will also she what you're sharing but not with her. This works really well as a vice for me as my H would constantly be looking at what I'm doing. He would sometimes feel left out and comment. A plus for me!
Please be super careful with dinner with woman. As it always starts off like this and by the sound of it you are in the need for human affection. This is a bit personal but get more massages and 'help yourself out' to alleviate the temptation. In one of the forums it goes into contact with others in a place where you're vulnerable. please please be careful
_____________________________________________________ Me 32 H 32 D 6 S 4 S 11mth
Never allow kindness be misinterpreted for weakness. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
journaling: Evening out went well. I had hoped the situation would not come up. She asked about it. A convo happened. She's been cheated on divorced and single now for 8 years. She had a lot of (without knowing) db information or advice. I told her I'd like to get together again next month, but not discuss the situation. Interesting take she had on the weekly status emails I send my W. she asked, "its been 6 weeks and she's not answering any of them..?" So, friend recommended sending one more this week on time as usual. Stating factually, the information in the weekly schedule is unchanged over the past several weeks an that I will only send W an email in future should something change with the normal schedule. She can feel free to contact with any questions. And then stop. I agree with her that in my W's case, she'd seeing these weekly emails as pursuit (however light) and that its lengthening the current limbo.
observations: I noted that my W has not even logged into the checking account to note the balance or do any transactions. W has just "unplugged' and is living at parents place and just doing her horse stuff and seeing kids when she wants. its a fantasy life where W need not be a W or a parent unless she desires to. her basic needs are met(food shelter and basic finances), and she no longer has to speak with me about anything unless its important to kids or the "business" part of our M.
In order to make progress something must change. contact should be first. I believe that my W is currently viewing almost ANY contact as pursuit (even though its light pursuit).
Off to game number 3 for the weekend. I'll check in later. Have a great day!
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Grey I lost most to Cb also. W an easily see what the kids and I are doing. Even during the past few months Together she does not foment or " like " any of it.
Diner was fine and it was platonic. Not much different from dinner with W the past few years. She has no interest. In pursuing a R. With a M. Man and I don't want one. Massages at the gym are fine. I am respecting my vows.
Contact is sowing to nothing. It is what if is....I must just continue on ME.
Betsey, my W was fairly distant and our physical. R was not good especially during the past year. I do.kiss affection, but there's. Nothing I can do about that at the moment.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Grey I post most stuff to FB too...stupid kindle keyboard. Lol
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Grey I post most stuff to FB too...stupid kindle keyboard. Lol
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Ben the answer to you question after thinking about it is yes. I do she thinks about us and misses things. So no lice for now. She does not share anything. So this iscompletely one sides. How could it not be pursuit?
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Omega this autocorrect feature...ugh. *** I do miss affection****
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
