Hoping to still move forward, huge setback

[cbtdad]

Thanks Urworthy!! Always great to hear from you.
We had a our special therapy session yesterday. It was unbelievable.
In see why our therapist said it would put our therapy on "turbo charge or red bull"
We had a session with a trainer for EFT couples therapy, the type of therapy we are doing. Our session was videotaped and while 30 or so other therapists watched from another room.
I was so proud of my W. she was so nervous at first and I was worried she would shut down. But she opened up big time. When we left she said since MC was in the room with us she felt comfortable because she trust him and trusts that he wouldn't put her in a situation that was harmful.
That was good to hear.
The session started off asking us where we were at and how we felt in our relationship right now. We both said we had come a long was and were very happy at the moment. The therapist asked W about some childhood things. Wife talked about her parents divorcing at 5 and how her dad left and at 8 years old told her he came first and had to take care of himself. Also talke about her mom not being there either. How she felt abandoned as a child.
Well guess what I did for a year and half leading up to D-day.
I basically abandoned her. She talked about how the person she loved the most wasnt there for her. I wasnt, I know this.
There is a lot to this, but its amazing hiw she is begining to open up about her past.
At one point this led into her A. I brought it up and used te word "affair"
Her deamenor completely changed. She got a little guarded. The therapist noticed it and asked her what that was all about.
She told the therapist she hates the word "affair"
She said she feels like you have to be in a relationship to have an affair and didn't feel like we had one. She said that word makes her feel like it was all her fault why we separated and almost divorced.
LTH, this is what I am wondering. Do just have to be patient with this? I feel like she doesn't want to "own" it? It gets me upset because I feel like she is blaming the affair on me. I wish she would say, "yes you did what you did, but I still made my choices to have an affair and that was wrong"
We do not discuss the past anymore other than in MC and it has made a world of difference. I just wish she would not make me feel like I'm completely responsible for her decisions.
I know why it happened and I have accepted that.
At the end of therapy we got feed bak from other therapists watching.
It was overwhelming. So much about te progress we have made. A lot about our body language towards each other and how we "look" happy.
They said that I seem very loyal and that W seems very brave.
But the year jerker at the end was.
The therapist that did the session said that one onlf the therapist was tearing up and said that we are giving our son the greatest gift we can by fighting for our marriage. She said she wished her parents had done te same thing.
It meant a lot to both of us and we both started tearing up.