One year in but a newbie

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Labug,

I am in IC for myself. I have done a lot of searching, reading and educating myself about depression over the years. I have also educated myself on the long term affects of ADs. I have tried to have conversations with my wife and tried to share with her what I have learned. Her response is to not want to discuss it and to tell me that I have a hang up over her depression and being on ADs. When I sit there and watch her consuming larger and and larger amount of alcohol, involuntary shakes and twitching I get scared and concerned and try again to talk to her. Again I am rebuffed. When I approached her family about it I am again rebuffed. I have tried to get her to see the issues with her illness and try and get the help she needs and I am rebuffed.

I am not trying to fix her depression. What I want for her is to get her into the type of counseling where she will learn skills to deal with her depression. Unfortunately she refuses that type of counseling and rather wants to find the type of counselor who supports her beliefs and does not help her to find solutions.

My immediate goal is to get our mutual responsibilities cleaned up and get my personal life less cluttered. We have a house that is under construction and cannot be sold till it has a certificate of occupancy for the un finished portions.I am also trying to work on the relationship with my daughters.I always thought we had respectful conversations where we listened to each other. The problem I found out is that I listened and then offered solutions or tried to fix the issues myself. I did not realize that at times she only wanted to be listened to. I think a lot of men have this issue. One of my 180s is to listen to her and not offer a solution unless she asks for it.

I am reading the books, working on myself and doing 180s. I am in IC and one the the things I am working on is why do I want to save this marriage. I continue to DB while I try and answer this question for myself.