Barrybran II - Six Weeks In

[Barrybran]

B,

This isn't a sprint....It is a long walk of constant change. Use your time as a gift to change yourself.

You are getting overly hooked on her actions...I know it is tough. In a way, you are kinda like a little sad puppy. Your wife has stated clearly that your procrastination and initiative are issues for her. You sent the list of things to do...not bad, but probably not what she is looking for. A better approach might have been instead of sending a list stating.....I would like to wrestle croc's someday....act on it and say "It is a beautiful day outside and there is a croc down in the river, what do you think about going down there and wrestling him?".

“What you do is what matters, not what you think or say or plan.”

It's my first major backslide so I'm working through my own feelings on that. I hate doing anything wrong. Hate it with a passion. So to do so well and then mess up like I did has taken a little longer than I'd hoped to let go of. I know I have to and I know that I will but it's both frustrating to have screwed up and also intriguing feeling the feelings and trying to learn what I can about myself and how I process not only the good things I've done but any bad things I will no doubt do.

That has contributed half of the puppy situation. The other half I put that down to being acutely aware of my wife's actions at the moment. It's not healthy and something I intend to break free of at some point but it stems from being confused about where my situation is truly at. I'm really confident that I understand the basics of DB. It's early days but I've read to death and what I've put into practice has worked. It's the next step I'm struggling with and I've yet to find the right information to help me deal with it. I know I'll find it but I'm trying to remain aware of my wife's responses until I can find this information.

How is the job hunt going?

Job hunt is slow. I'm finding out new information at least. Putting my name down at the local council will be a dead end and I've yet to put my name down at the local grocery store. In fact, I've put in 1.5 days at my wife's store (voluntarily...) and chased kids all week. There was a job advertised in the next town over which I should have called about already but haven't.


As for the shower and shaving.....I think you pushed the intimate envelope a little there. While ML is pretty intimate, for a lot of people shaving or showering is a whole other level of intimacy. While I applaud your initiative, I kinda feel this was the wrong place for it. Kind of like like learning to drive....You went right from not knowing how to let's jump into a race car......You missed a few baby steps LOL


Yeah, I know. I am way ahead of myself here but, like the list, I'm just trying things here. I was pretty happy with the shaving idea despite the intimacy attached. The shower was clutching at straws though. Again, this stems from the confusion about where exactly I'm at. Once I figure out where I am I'm pretty confident I'll be able to negotiate this next phase successfully.

As for the friends....You at least got up and started moving towards the hall. Why don't you take it a step further and see if the husband want's to go do something? Not that would be 180 for you.

Like my last post, I'll leave this as a work in progress. I know too many bad things about this guy and whilst he's nice to me personally, I know he doesn't treat his wife well, I know he's into smoking pot (I personally don't have an issue with this but it's not for me and my wife) and I KNOW my wife would be asking questions if I spent too much time with him. Also like my last post, I'll be keeping the idea on file when suitable people pop into our lives.

All in all, I still feel pretty buoyed about where I'm at. There are good signs despite the slowdown and then backslide. I just feel that if I can work out where I really am and what the strategy is moving forward I'll be able to arrange the knowledge I have into a workable solution. Right now it feels like I have DB with the expectation that I'll try new things and I'm not exactly sure it's that black and white.