Me 15 months on - standing - detaching

[hotwheelsaust]

HWA,
To me all of this sounds (and now I am mindreading/guessing) like the family has decided that you have mistreated W in the splitting of assets and that you are the one to blame for W feeling bad about some issues.

F, yes I have accepted that the family/friend feel that somehow I have mistreated the W in the splitting of assets. All I have done is agreed to what she wanted. But having the MIL tell me I should have offered more is bordering on the ridiculous.

BUT if your sons are seeing you as/are being told that you are one selfish B and if sons are a part of these talks in the rest of the family then I would consider putting the truth out there. (And that is how I understood you in our talks.)
And this is where I need help. How do I discuss this in a way that is not overbearing to them. Remember I have been told that they don't even like discussing anything about this sitch, and they certainly don't ask me anything.

What I have understood is:
- You have given W this D the way she wanted it.
Not yet divorced, but I have allowed the W to initiate everything at her pace and request. All I have done is agreed to it or answered her solicitor.
- You have paid W money and that way you kept the houses.
As part of the agreement, once signed by the W, I will be paying out the W for the houses.
- The split was done fair according to attorneys, you and W
Only the W had the attorney/solicitor. I only got a solicitor to check over the legal paperwork before signing.
- Ws and her attorney made the outline for the agreement and you have accepted that
Yes that is correct.
- You see this splitting of assets as fair (do you?) – did W get her fair share?
No I didn't think it was fair, I have been very vocal with ex friend for many months before the ignoring, and also on this forum, stating that I was worried that the W wasn't being fair to herself in the split. That I was coming out smelling like roses. Again though, all I did was agree to what she wanted.

This is now turned around to you being selfish and that you mistreated W during the splitting of assets
Yes. Including the MIL saying that I should have also shared the W's cost for the solicitor (hers) and to pay for the binding financial agreement (again the W's doing). Again funny how the MIL didn't mention anything about the W being selfish and not paying any mortgages, insurances and registrations for the last 15 months.

If the above is how you feel about all of this, then I would consider having a talk with W about the things that are said about you. I would consider saying “enough is enough” and tell her to get the truth out there NOW and if she doesn’t then I would also consider having a talk with sons about this.
As much as I want to blame the W, this could still be just the MIL making assumptions. If I contact the W stating this, then I worry that she could make last minute changes to the paperwork that would cost me more money.


I (and that’s only me) believe I would be able to cope with the IL talking me down but if this came to my children being told lies about me and how I handled this – I would get furious and I understand why you “lost it”
Again I cannot prove that MIL is telling the truth or just making it sound worse by stating the sons feel that I am selfish.

HWA, do NOT storm out and do this now! Get the VETs onboard in this because the above could be totally wrong – apply MUCH time before you do ANYTHING because once done…..

(You have always had a tendency of reacting very quickly – do NOT do that this time! Take your time to digest this! DO NOT REACT BEFORE YOU ARE ABSOLUTE SURE AND HAVE ALL THE ADVICE YOU CAN GET!!!)

Yes I have in the past acted too quickly. This time I got angry, controlled it, wrote to the forums for help and am prepared to sit back and wait for replies on how to move forward, whatever way that is.

She asked "well what would you say if W wanted to change things now?". I answered back that would be between W and I.

IMHO: Perfect answer!
Thank you, I do get some things right occasionally.

F