Me 15 months on - standing - detaching

[Fartiltre]

HWA,
Remember I am not a VET – you need them on this matter, BUT…
I would really consider standing up for ME - if I were you in this case.

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this right now.

First the friend and SIL and now MIL putting you down this way.
To me all of this sounds (and now I am mindreading/guessing) like the family has decided that you have mistreated W in the splitting of assets and that you are the one to blame for W feeling bad about some issues. She is standing up for her daughter and she came by to make you give in to something W has told her. It seems like there is a “different truth” out there!

That’s what it is….

BUT if your sons are seeing you as/are being told that you are one selfish B and if sons are a part of these talks in the rest of the family then I would consider putting the truth out there. (And that is how I understood you in our talks.)

What I have understood is:
- You have given W this D the way she wanted it.
- You have paid W money and that way you kept the houses.
- The split was done fair according to attorneys, you and W
- Ws and her attorney made the outline for the agreement and you have accepted that
- You see this splitting of assets as fair (do you?) – did W get her fair share?

This is now turned around to you being selfish and that you mistreated W during the splitting of assets

If the above is how you feel about all of this, then I would consider having a talk with W about the things that are said about you. I would consider saying “enough is enough” and tell her to get the truth out there NOW and if she doesn’t then I would also consider having a talk with sons about this.

I would consider telling W that I would have a talk with the sons about the timeline in this, how it all have been done – all of the practical’s and ONLY the practical’s – and I would tell her that I would love to have the talk with her first and that she is more than welcome to join you and sons when this is done.

I would set a clear boundary on this matter! W, Do NOT lie about me to my sons! That goes for you and for the rest of your family!

I believe it will make the gap between you on one side and W and IL on the other bigger but if they are putting you down in front of your sons I wouldn’t care one bit – these are your sons and IMHO that is what matters right now.

I (and that’s only me) believe I would be able to cope with the IL talking me down but if this came to my children being told lies about me and how I handled this – I would get furious and I understand why you “lost it”

HWA, do NOT storm out and do this now! Get the VETs onboard in this because the above could be totally wrong – apply MUCH time before you do ANYTHING because once done…..

(You have always had a tendency of reacting very quickly – do NOT do that this time! Take your time to digest this! DO NOT REACT BEFORE YOU ARE ABSOLUTE SURE AND HAVE ALL THE ADVICE YOU CAN GET!!!)

…and do remember that everything you say is “public” – so keep the talk about this in here until you are absolutely sure about what you want to do about it.

Please correct me if I have misinterpreted anything!!

I also stumbled on the “W is not in a R with OW”. I wouldn’t put anything into this right now. You have the words from SIL and friend to lean on here. It might be hard for MIL to accept that W is in R with OW – and the way all of this sounds the family might be picking the pieces they like and blaming you for the rest!

She asked "well what would you say if W wanted to change things now?". I answered back that would be between W and I.

IMHO: Perfect answer!


F