The actual divorce is the big thing for me & feel desperately like I need to prevent it.
I know it's just a piece of paper really but it also makes me feel that our wedding & honeymoon were then just completely pointless, all of the money that was spent on it was in vain & the whole memory of our wedding would be tainted & no longer be a good memory.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
What do you want going forward in regard to W, F4MW? What is your vision here? How does that look like to you?
For my wife, my son & myself to all live together again & have another child with an amazing, loving, harmonious & peaceful marriage/family applying all of my new knowledge & skills from DR & various other relationship/marriage sources.
Me: 34, Wife: 34 Son: 2 Married: 8, Together: 14 Wife moved out 8/25/2013 Divorce papers received 01/10/2014
The actual divorce is the big thing for me & feel desperately like I need to prevent it.
I know it's just a piece of paper really but it also makes me feel that our wedding & honeymoon were then just completely pointless, all of the money that was spent on it was in vain & the whole memory of our wedding would be tainted & no longer be a good memory.
I totally get it, because I have had similar thoughts. I look at the gorgeous wedding photo of us so happy, hanging in my bedroom and think, "what a F-ing joke," for example. I am embarrassed in front of my friends and family who came to our wedding, gave us gifts, all that. Yes, it totally s.u.c.k.s.
Dig a little deeper and see where that is coming from. Yes, you are hurt. Totally understandable. But your memories are your memories. The good times you had with your W can't be undone. The future you had with her may be gone, but she can't take away the past you have together. You still had those great moments, the love, the honeymoon, the fun times together. . . why are those tainted now?
(Can you tell I am lecturing myself too?)
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
That is faulty thinking on your part. Your perception is clouded by pain and resentment. Shift your perception when you move away from your pain and you'll see the value in the wedding ceremony.
That is how it would feel to me if a divorce was completed, like it just cancels out & negates all that our marriage ever was.
The way I look at it is this- W and I shared many great years together and brought 3 incredible children into this world, and the world is that much better for it. We've grown along different paths over the years and W's path is leading her in a different direction that she feels she must pursue. That's her choice and who am I to prevent her from following her heart. So this chapter closes and another begins. The new chapter probably won't be better or worse, just different. But it doesn't take anything away from the beautiful tapestry we wove together.
F4MW, I've been an outsider looking in on your Sitch and I'm gonna throw my penny in the hat and say that if you fight this your just going to drive your W away further! It's a classic human reaction "no you can't have that" just makes us want it more but if you give them what they want they get bored of it after a while. I remember as a child kicking a screaming because I didn't get my own way and I don't think that ever leaves us?
Can I just ask - if you knew before the wedding what you know and are going through now would you have still committed to marrying your W?
I think this is a question we should all ask ourselves and my betting is 100% of us would because we wouldn't be on this forum otherwise.
I wonder if you agree that it's better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all?
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
