Here We Go!

[lovethehub]

And, I forgot to mention, that after I ended the A and H and I decided to stay together, I texted OM, too. (The whole reason I wanted to write this in the first place when I saw your text about xmas eve and in that long winded post forgot to mention!!) When things would go wrong between the two of us, I would think, "I knew it, this is never going to work, he is never going to forgive me, I may as well text OM". I wanted things to work but I hated that feeling that everything was my fault and always worrying that each fight/disagreement would be the end of our M. I sent a text that H found. I know in my heart I did it on purpose because I looked right at it, thought I 'I should delete that' and then thought 'no' and left the phone there and walked away. I believe it was a subconscious way of trying to make the nightmare go away - either leave me alone and get out or let's put this behind us and rebuild our M. It may sound like a ridiculous way to fix things (and it was) and it wasn't a clear plan on my part, I was just tired of shouldering all of the blame and I wanted him to go because I didn't think we would ever get past it.

Either way, your W texting him and then her telling you she wanted you to find it, sounds like some sort of desperation on her part. For me, I believe it was to see how committed my H really was because I didn't believe he was. What were her issues with you? What did she need from you that you weren't giving her? What fears does she have that she could be testing by leaving this message for you to see?