separated 6 weeks still on the journey

[paul19510]

I guess the big question is does she come back to the marriage as a loving partner. Feels like a real longshot. Btw doing my inner work. Like crazy. Had the seeds planted for years now from a good T. I just wasn't ready to hear him. I am now. Does she change that much. I don't want the self centered person they left. Shes not so nice. Not w goodnmom or wife.

[paul19510]

Wow....holy crow. The anger is just seething out of me right now. This is new....the fun that keepsnon giving.

[GreyMatter]

Wow Paul - you do seem to have come a good way already in 2 months. I just realised mine is exactly 6months now. And I might be able to add to your forecast to help you keep an eye on the prize down the road not what is happening today or tomorrow.
Mine has taken a massive flip as you know and now I have the problems of fighting off the attention and not allowing myself to give into to sex. It's a pretty different place isn't it?
But I was here - exactly where you are and I backslid from time to time but I used the last rest technique and sandis 37 rules as gospel and let it dictate my life. I didn't trust my feelings so I copied all the rules to my phone, word docs and emails so it was somewhere close all the time for me to re-sight as needed :-) good luck

[GreyMatter]

Breath there for a moment and think of the bigger picture.
Their anger only goes away once you decide not to keep igniting it!
I often had to visualise their anger as an anger ball I would not allow into my court. You have to block it and they finally let down their fight.

[paul19510]

Shes not angry I am. I dont want her anywhere near me. Kinda a joke anyway considering She left me. She blew me off for much of the marriage. Now shes gone.

[GreyMatter]

Either way - anger will keep being mirrored into each other. This seems to be a 'stage' you are going through in the grieving process possibly.
Hugs to you, spend time with your side of family in this time.

[paul19510]

Thanks grey. Hugs back. So they go from essential business likenc ontactnto. Actualy coming around??? Feels impossible.

[LITB]

I am beginning to see a common theme in your thread. You keep questioning if you want to be with your W or if you would accept her back into a relationship.

Before you worry about that, ensure that you do your part in getting to a place where you have an opportunity to make that choice. In the meantime, you are spinning your wheels worrying about it. Even if you don't reconcile with your W, you still have work to do to get to that happy place.

As for the anger, I won't give you too much grief. We all go through different emotional stages(roller coaster). Always identify and address....identify and address. Anger is like an emotional cancer that will morph into bitterness. Stay busy GAL and everything else will fall into place.

[paul19510]

thanks Ben. I had a great night at Hockey with S12 and the other dads and sons. I went grocery shopping and got a quick 5 minute massage from a trial offer at the sports center where my S skates (it didn't hurt that the lady giving it was a cute single mom who's son also plays hockey...don't worry....Its all good...). It was nice to get relaxed and feel pampered for 5 minutes.

I know I have some traveling to do. I need to stay in the present and just keep moving forward. I did that tonight fairly well. I must admit the massage helped me feel like a human being again too just for a few minutes. funny about human contact like that....

I appreciate your advice and that fact that you take time to read my story. I don't feel as angry anymore. But it did help to fuel a day of N/C. I am just tired and relaxed now. I have 5 hockey games get the kids to this weekend. So I will be busy. I am also meeting a female friend for a something to eat tomorrow evening. We are being descrete and no one knows as I don't need rumors of things floating around my small town. Its a long time friend and she knows my sitch. She offered me dinner for helping her with something. She's a nice friend. it will feel nice to be among people who feel interested to be with me. I'm tired of being rejected.

[paul19510]

Watching d13 hockey game took pics and almost sent to W. She knows there is a game and would ask if she wanted to know more. I didn't send them to her. So far a few days with n/c. I guess that's how it goes. I have an evening out with a friend after the game. Just keep swimming.

I do find it hard ro undedstand...idlove to share these moments. Theyll be gone then. Makes no sense.