What do i do now

[istherehopeintx]

My store begins with a incident before I married my current wife that i spent a weekend with a different woman and she found out about it. At the time we were not married but 6 months later we did get married, but she keep a open clause that she had a free-be coming due to my weekend i had before we got married. Well you know where this is going as 2 years ago she did have an affair which it took her 3 months to tell me about and once she did she would not tell me anything about it at all other then it happened.

We both agreed we wanted to work on the marriage and try and fix it so I asked if marriage counseling would be ok and she said no. Her reason for this is because she felt it would be a bash session against her so I went by myself to get personal counseling. I went for about 5 weeks before I had to stop going due to it was causing more issues then it helped me with. Now i wish i would just have ended it then as we are now seperated with what she is is a 99% chance of us not getting back together.

We still talk and she says she is not in a rush to get a divorce but I really dont know what to do. I still have feelings for her and love her but dont know if I could ever trust her again. I have days where I am really happy and then days that I really struggle. So i really dont know what do, should i go ahead and file or wait and see what happens?