I hope it's not too late, because I'm afraid it is

[GreyMatter]

Welcome aboard the rollercoaster Allofus!
Well let's hope your sitch is not as bad as the most of us, I'm a firm believer that if you get it quick you have better chance of reducing the time it takes to get through it.

A bit of an overview that I have been able to grasp.
There is a few posts that will help. Definately read the last resort technique and Sandi 37 rules you should find them in the newcomers forum. Keep reading as its one of the number one things that help you maintain composure in emotional situations. It is easy to start to 'feel' anger etc but by reading self help stuff you get to understand 'why' and really start to get to know how to get in control of hiding your emotions which you will also be told to do at all costs.

Don't try and get her to read the book. You will read this on multiple occasions in this forum. These self help books are for us not our WAS's. They will simply think you are playing games on them.

You'll get the gist of it all with the 37 rules. Give distance, don't respond to soon to her, validate her concerns by saying things like 'I'm sorry you feel that way - I didn't realise it had that effect' never try and justify as it only shows you still being 'selfish' (to them)

An insight to anger and negative thoughts - we all carry around negative thoughts daily (something like 80,000 bad toughts per day) and once you have been looking at the same sitch for a long period of time with negative tones it is really hard to get it out of your head. The way you think, they way you act, the way you and your partner mirror each others body language before you even open your mouths.

You're about to head into personal discovery about yourself and your own actions and this is where your focus needs to be. You can not have expectations on anyone else nor rely on them. But here is the perfect thing - we mirror each other - this is why when we focus on us and making changes in ourselves, our partners change too!

Happy reading - I look forward to your updates!