PatientMan - 6th Edition - Acting Divorced

[PatientMan]

I bet you would say, "PM, YOU deserve more than moldy cheese."

And it's true. And I know, because even though are sitches are different, we are in much the same shoes, that you KNOW that the cheese could be the best cheese in the world. You just know it!

And maybe that's true. But for now, it's all moldy. So my take - quit eating moldy cheese.

I know you're right in my head.

You set the boundaries for a reason. Right? If the reason was to entice your W to change something, that wasn't really the right reason. The boundaries are supposed to be for you, for your emotional well being - I believe that's what you said. And if they are, and you don't stick to them, how is that helping you?

I didn't initiate the boundary breach, and it wasn't something major like sex, it was listening and a hug. I would have felt like a total dick if I interrupted her when talking so I could leave, or later flat out refused a hug.

Plus that isn't part of the play.

I think the fact that your W has wanted to step over some of the boundaries is just her continuing to do the same thing she has done for the past two years.

Agreed. She wants what she wants, but when she starts hurting, she looks to me.

I am not saying your W is a bad person or is using you or is stringing you along on purpose. But she cannot give you what you want right now. She has proven that time and time again.

True. Right now.

You didn't ask about this, but if I may . . . I think that you need to try harder to go meet new people. You have mentioned a number of times that you don't have many friends to GAL with. I think that's really holding you back and keeping you willing to settle for less than what you deserve. You said once you are not going to find a new BFF at age 33. I disagree. But regardless - you can find new friends. They don't have to be your BFF. Even just people to hang out with would be nice. It would relieve you from being so consumed by your sitch, and I think would give you some clarity.

I don't like meeting new people. The typical response to that here is that I should "grow" and "learn" and "step outside my comfort zone" and whatnot, but I also don't like pineapples. I'm not going to force-feed myself pineapples when I know I don't like them. Can I "grow" and "learn" to start liking pineapples?

I keep a very small number of people inside my circle of trust. But I'm extremely caring, loving, and loyal to those people, and then it hurts really bad when one of those people checks out of the circle. I'm just not wired in a way to have casual relationships. They don't do anything for me.

Neither do pineapples.

-PM