PatientMan - 6th Edition - Acting Divorced

[PatientMan]

But that's why I told her, "If giving you a hug sets you back, then I don't want to give you a hug. I want you to be okay." I would rather her be sad now and finally get better, than get her fix now and prolong the problem.

I don't say much because I have plenty of my own issues (and I have much to learn). Why are you making the boundaries about her?

They're mutual boundaries for mutual "benefit." I won't lie - I really wanted that hug too, but I wasn't going to ask for it or passively hint for it...we have boundaries that I will respect on my end.

And honestly, I really and truly don't have any expectations. She was suffering, so I consoled her. I don't expect her to suffer every time I see her, and I don't expect her to ask for a hug every time I see her. I was happy that she was good when I saw her Wednesday.

But that hug? It felt amazing. I could hold her in my arms forever.

If they are her boundaries, then she doesn't have to feel bad about breaking them, right. Why are you focusing so much on how she feels?

Because I love her.

I keep reading people tell you that boundaries should be yours for your well being and peace of mind. Own them or dump them. Don't try to turn it around and make your ex-W responsible for them. I'll bet she doesn't want to be controlled in that way.

Just my 2¢.

I'm not making her responsible for them. I'm keeping up my end of the bargain, then trying to figure out how to react when she breaks them (which has just happened the one time).

Right now there is a battle going on between my brain and my heart. My brain knows the boundaries will get me to a place where she can't break my heart anymore, and this is the logical place to be, but my heart doesn't want to go to that place. I'm a pretty smart guy, but when it comes to those I love, my heart is bigger than my brain.

My fortune cookie from lunch: "Bide your time, for success is near."

-PM