I need to post before Betsey because after I read her posts I can rarely think of anything to add Paul, the only other thing I'll say is that your sitch is still very young @ less than 2 months since BD. You expressed concern that your WAS will never change, WAS's do indeed change (and sometimes quite substantially) but it is a VERY slow process. They are about a year behind the LBS on the timeline, the LBS is usually almost done with their marathon of healing/ rebuilding by the time the WAS puts their shoes on and steps up to the starting line. That's why so many M's never reconcile, because the LBS has moved on by the time the WAS starts owning their issues.
So be patient with her and with yourself, focus on you and the kids and leave your W to her journey. Keeping making yourself into the spouse only a fool would leave.
Paul, the only other thing I'll say is that your sitch is still very young @ less than 2 months since BD. You expressed concern that your WAS will never change, WAS's do indeed change (and sometimes quite substantially) but it is a VERY slow process. They are about a year behind the LBS on the timeline, the LBS is usually almost done with their marathon of healing/ rebuilding by the time the WAS puts their shoes on and steps up to the starting line. That's why so many M's never reconcile, because the LBS has moved on by the time the WAS starts owning their issues. 