My question is my 180 on this is to do things. Help around the house and start some upgrades. She seems to be getting upset that I am doing these things and is beating me to the punch so to speak.
The problem is that she no longer wants your help, and your efforts are seen by her as "too little, too late." She wants to prove to herself that she can do everything without you and you're interfering with that (from her perspective). Also she thinks these are just tricks to get her back after which you'll fall right back into old behavior. That's why we say it takes lots and lots of time. Consistent changed behavior over a long period of time is what will convince the WAS.
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If she confronts me about this how should I react?
My W did exactly that, and I told her that I knew she was moving out and that I needed to be able to do everything myself, and I wanted to do that while she was still there in case I had any questions for her. I also told her that I wasn't changing to try and get her back, but because she had opened my eyes to problems I didn't know I had and that I wanted to change those things for ME.
