Me: I'm assuming you are coming to visit tomorrow. The girls will be here from 10 am to noon. I will be working in the bedroom. If you need to talk to me, text or email. Thanks.
Smokey: Yes, I will be there at ten. OK and thank you.
I feel all scared and full of anxiety again. Holy shid. I can't believe I used to feel this daily. Wow. This is eye opening.
I decided to go ahead and send the text to show, if I have to, that I am making time for his visits and not stopping him from seeing his kids. I gave him 24 hour notice that the girls will be ready and waiting. I was trying to be proactive.
The minute I sent the text, the anxiety began. Then, I received the text and my stomach sank--like I had some hidden expectations--even from myself.
I immediately made the assumption from his response that he is feeling exactly as he did when he sent the mean text.
Whatever. The point is, I'm recognizing how I allow this man to impact my peace of mind. I'm also recognizing I have the power to control my own peace of mind, no matter how many accusations or hurt or mean texts he sends.
I need to work extra hard today and tomorrow to maintain my PMA. Keep the anxiety to a minimum. Progress not perfection.
I will meditate today. Write extra affirmations. Exercise. And, generally behave as if I'm someone NOT affected by his antics.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
