Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

Ok Here is last night and this mornings goings on.

Last night I was cleaning up more of the room I am sleeping in. I came across two storage containers the top one was filled with things from our Honeymoon the bottom one had my W wedding dress in it. These haven't been touched since right after our wedding I'm sure. This bedroom has been a room where everything just has gotten thrown in there. Many times we both wanted to clean it but we were just lazy.

Anyways, seeing these things really threw me for a loop especially the wedding dress and pictures. I had a good cry, then got angry, then leveled out.

I told the wife right after the S I would clean that room and donate all the clothes. She has always been on me about never being able to throw away clothes. They all seemed to have a memory attached I thought. She said don't worry she would do it. Well, when I returned home after 6 months at my Parents the room was still not cleaned. That is why I am doing it now. Maybe going through the room like I have been would have been too painful for her and that is why it remained cluttered during my absence.

I stopped cleaning that room and did other things to get my composure back. When the W returned home she mumbled something about all the lights being on I was in another room so I know she wanted me to hear but not respond.

When I do my dishes if there are some of hers there that need washed then I just do them it isn't a big deal. The W told me not to do hers she can get them. She told me this while on the phone with somebody. That is pattern I have noticed with her since the S, if something is bothers her she waits until she is on the phone to say something to me. This has happened 3 or 4 times since I have been back home.

This morning I went to empty the garbage like I have done every week since returning. She told me the compactor wasn't full enough to empty yet. I said alright how do I know when it is ready to be emptied for future reference? She said She just knows. I said ok and went to take the trash to the curb. When I got to where the cans are they were already taken out to the curb. I went back upstairs and thanked the W for doing this through a closed bathroom door.

Upon leaving for work I noticed the driveway could use a brooming off of snow. I started to do this when W came out to start her car. She said "I don't think you have to worry about that" I said "No biggie its now or later so it might as well be now."

I guess what I am struggling with is. My W has always thought I was lazy and didn't help around the house. This was partly true I am embarrassed to admit. I changed that about two years ago and started helping more. I did not however do some upgrades to our home for a couple reasons, minimal extra money and lack of skill and patience.

The pattern we fell into in our M was if I thought she should do something and didn't I would attempt to do it. She would I guess take this as a slap in the face and would get angry and say "leave it I will get it" then I would respond "its not a problem" she would get more upset then I would just go to another part of the house and tell her "Ok fine then do it." Unfortunately, she wouldn't do it and neither would I so it did not get done and it built up resentment on both our parts.

My question is my 180 on this is to do things. Help around the house and start some upgrades. She seems to be getting upset that I am doing these things and is beating me to the punch so to speak.

I am no longer going to allow myself to get frustrated with her when doing chores or upgrades.

I think the 180 is working but I also can tell by body language and attitude that she is upset about me doing all these things.

If she confronts me about this how should I react? If she does confront me I think she may parlay this into talking about other R aspects. I am a bit nervous if this happens and don't want to mess it up.

Any thoughts would be helpful.