Hi lb his strategy is to disappear and leave me alone long enough that I make a life without him and then he never has to face up to his actions. He did it in his last relationship, left town and avoided the woman until she gave up..however they were not married though had been together for 7 years. I knew this story so when he started the same strategy I have not been as easy as she was.. he cannot face conflict, avoids it at all costs and hopes we could divorce without any conflict.. as long az he gets his way.. however that is not what I want. Am I being controlling or am I setting a boundary. I like the idea of using the positive. I will respect myself and only involve myself with you when it is respectful t o us both. My coach has said to maintain a contact..
The issue is separating.. he thinks it could be discussed and decided in 30 minutes. I beleive that is not appropriate and when I feel l I can not discuss anymore I ask for a break, take a walk, movie, dinner and he says I am avoiding. I guess I am avoiding him controlling the agenda and me.. he wants me to agree and agree now.. I am not inclined to.. He is depressed won't get help.. I really don't trust his judgements.. he wants to put our furniture in the dump, give my pure bred pup ( who has saved my sanity these last 4 months) to the animal shelter, sell the house.. not sure what else he has dreamed up.. I don't think it is controlling to look after me! Boundaries.. I am getting better with them. I was someone who never said no.. now I do.. I also will say when I am unhappy. I used to pretend everything was fine then fume about it..I really never neeced boundaries with him...he was a sweet man who looked out for me. We were good friends and gave each other space.. this depression has turned him into someone I don't know. ?. Now I can't trust him, he lies, is dishonest and angry.. boundaries..seems like I have to create a new one each time I see him. The last one was.. he may not take things from the house without telling me.. what a mess !
