Barrybran II - Six Weeks In

[Barrybran]

Things are only as boring as you let them be.....Think about that.

Yeah, that's why I'm compiling my own list. I'm not sure if it's a great idea but I figure it's my list, my wife will see that it's my list and not some generic website list and hopefully she'll be able to say what she wants to try/not try. See how we go I guess.

You stated you had different interests than your wife.....So what are her interests?

She loves cooking and does cakes as a hobby. She likes trashy TV shows. She enjoys spending time with friends and she spends a lot of her time playing games on her phone. Oh, and eBay :p

While I don't know how (tone, etc) your wife delivered her message, I do feel that you are taking it too personal and not listening enough (hence the meh feeling). I get the feeling that you want to take some initiative, but feel trapped. Some by money, some by the small town, and some by past "deep hurts". These deep hurts are an issue....you have to address them or let them go. If you don't, moving forward will be hard. These are good things for a counselor to help with.

The message this morning mentioned her confusion again over whether to leave and separate and included us "falling into old routines". In a nutshell, she wants to spice things up a bit by trying things we'd not normally do. I do like this idea, I really do, but I am skeptical as I do have some wounds in this area. I was rejected by her for the best part of a couple of years when I suggested doing things together and her being impulsive makes it hard to either plan an event or get in the same mood as her quickly. I'm not sure I worded that last part right but after a day of chasing kids and doing housework, if my wife comes home tired, she normally sits on the couch and recovers. She doesn't exactly portray an "I'm ready to try something different" mood. I do want to bring up my concerns here with her but because I don't know if I'm still in separation mode or somewhere between separation and reconciliation, I don't really know whether I bring it up or leave it and just 'fake it until I make it'.

So tomorrow...it is hot....Why don't you take the initiative and invite her girlfriend's family (you mentioned her before...has kids the same age)over for an evening of board games or cards. The kids play, the adults have conversation, and you take initiative while getting out of your social cacoon.

It's a good idea but I'm not ready for that yet. I like my wife's friend but I'm not too keen on her husband. In fact, I'm pretty comfortable in my own space and haven't needed people since I've been living here. I know that's something I have to change but I'm in no rush here as I want to make sure it's with people I actually want to hang out with. Definitely an idea to file away for another day though. I may steal the cards though and suggest playing just with my wife. Thanks.

Just a thought.