Honestly.....Strong boundaries are for you at this point. What will you accept and not accept. I would go on the tirade of getting back to DB'ing 101, but it sounds as though you are there pretty good.
When I found out my ex was back on the affair train, I set boundaries for myself and a plan. The plan was a detailed step by step process to rebuild myself while also detailing the steps I had to take before she left/I threw her out. I set boundaries for myself like....no easy money for her, I was not helping with her half of the bills, no ML (I don't need a disease). I set up boundaries for myself that protected me from her game. Strong boundaries for them is quite useless at the point you are at....He has shown multiple times that moral boundaries are of no concern for him.....so why will yours matter?
I also focused a lot on what I wanted out of life....ironically what I found in my case was that at this point in my marriage, my wife was actually holding me back. So what do you want out of life?
Case in point....Since I lost my big management job (and the affairs were revealed...circa 2009) I had a hard time finding consistent employment until 2012. Also in 2009 I was saddled under about $45K in debt. So I decided this was unacceptable and did ever thing in my power to knock this debt down. The ex didn't help.....actually was trying to find ways to spend money (buying stuff to make herself happy). So while she constantly argued with me about not having money, how I was spending money, and how I wasn't making enough money.....I was slowly paying debt down. See, her need to spend to make her happy was actually derailing the goal of paying down debt (it was a joint goal). So I wasn't moving forward on the goal of removing debt stress because she wasn't helping with it....Hence, holding me back. In the end.....she eventually crossed one of my self imposed boundaries (spent $600+ on her boyfriends car and jewelry for him, while telling me I HAD to cover her portion of the bills as she was short) and I threw her out.
Now that is just an example, but it is about the thought process. In a marriage, if you aren't a team moving forward towards better things then something is wrong and you might as well be an individual moving towards better things.
I might not be the best on this as I didn't save my marriage, but the truth is that I saved myself and in the end that is a much BIGGER deal.
