Reaching out for support and advice 2

[melissag]

Mornings are tough. I often have bad dreams. Last night was no different.

However, I no longer wake up in the morning feeling like everything is normal just to remember that life has taken this gut wrenching turn. It is becoming my new normal.

(((Blues)))

For a while after BD, I could barely sleep. I mean it would be literally 30-45 minutes at a time, and maybe only two or three of those a night. Then it started to get a little better - 4-5 hours in a shot. Now I can sleep through to 4:30 or 5:00 (sometimes 6 if I am lucky), but I have vivid dreams EVERY NIGHT about my H. Mine, though, are mostly good dreams. Where he is back, or never left, or whatever.

I have had a couple of earthquake and plane crash dreams - those are pretty easy to interpret. (Big shake up in my life, world is crashing down around me, etc.). What are your bad dreams about? Your H or something else entirely?

I have a friend whose baby was born at 24 weeks, and lived only one week. (I know. Unbelievably sad.) And I remember her telling me that her C was glad when she started dreaming about her son, because she said that is one way the brain is working out these tough feelings.

So . . . maybe that's what you are doing, too.

About the morning . . . it has become my new normal to wake up alone (and sometimes without the kids in the house), but that in itself makes me sad. I find it particularly difficult because I am by nature a morning person, and it's hard for me to get up and feel so blah every day.

A lot of sadness today, but I'm working through it. I haven't cried-like cried really hard with lots of tears/sobbing in a long time even though there have been many gut punches in the last couple of months. I remember at BD when I cried all the time. Does anyone else experience the incredible sadness of this sitch and not have the need/urge to bawl? Am I numb? Am I stronger? I am puzzled by this.

I would say that my really gut wrenching sadness has diminished quite a bit. I have had a few instances where I just completely lose it, but they are not too common now (as opposed to daily at the beginning).

I know what you mean about the numb feeling. It almost feels like, oh yeah that crap again. Ugh. Like you're just so tired of crying about it.

Was it you who said a while back, that our bodies and minds just aren't equipped to be so sad and devastated and anxious and angry and all that for too long of a time? I thought it was a good observation and totally true. We are naturally resilient, I think.

So maybe this is one step on the way to actually feeling happiness. ??