Four weeks in, hopeful but just starting!

[KGirl]

So I was doing pretty well at being positive, acting as if I was moving on, etc. (even my IC commented that I was in a much better place than I was two weeks ago when I was last there) and was feeling really hopeful that H hadn't taken any actual action towards D yet (though no actions in the other direction either)...
and now I've had a major setback. Totally my fault. I was snooping (I know, I know.. scold me now) in H's work bag to see if he had the business card for the lawyer in there or something else that would point to a D... and found condoms in one of the inside pockets. They could very well be from a trip we took where he left right from work, or put there years ago, who knows. He has a tendency to leave random things like old movie tickets, gum wrappers, etc. in his various pockets for a long time and not notice them. I'm racking my brain trying to figure out if we would have ever gone someplace together where he'd take his work bag or have a reason to put them in there. But all I can think about now is that he's seeing someone after work or at work, like the person he's having/had the EA with. Even though logically it makes no sense because he's not going to work or coming home later than normal, and the "OW" if it even is that is married w/ two kids so it's unlikely he can sneak over to her place. Even though he's said after BD that there's no way he'd ever physically cheat on me because that goes against everything he stands for and I so want to believe him on that.

Clearly I can't confront him about it. How do I cope with this? Imagine the best case scenario (even though I could just be denying the truth) and that they're just there from some long-ago time that I can't think of? Is it normal male behavior to carry condoms around even if you don't have active plans to use them? Ugh... I feel sick. I don't know how long I can keep it in without asking him about it, so at least I know one way or the other.