uR, I love you to death my friend. You have helped me so much.
Love you, too, my friend. Honored if I helped in any way.
Originally Posted By: Raine
You know the thing I'm struggling with is I felt like things were addressed. I felt like we communicated. We spent a lot of time together, we dated, did things with other adults, lots of family time. I thought we were doing everything we should be doing. We were always doing so much more than other couples. I felt we were so much closer than other couples.
You know, Raine, I am sure you had a great marriage before. I think maybe when we look back at stuff, sometimes, we may not see it exactly as we did when we were in it. I say that because you wrote:
Originally Posted By: Raine
I think that stagnation is what hurt us so much before.
Now thats not to say it wasnt an amazing marriage. Just that there may have been some stuff that needed tending. No marriage is perfect. They all need to be tended to and should always be seen as a living thing.
Originally Posted By: Raine
It was really hard for me, and still is extremely hard for me to accept this had to do with the marriage.
He felt before that I never thought much of him, that he was never good enough, that I didn't love him. He said he was so blinded by the depression. That he was so stupid. That he couldn't see what he had in front of him.
But if it was good then, like I truly believe it was, then that only makes my trust issues and walls that much bigger. And if minor imperfections in me or the marriage or whatever, lead to infidelity, I want off this ride.
It was never about your marriage, Raine. It was about his crisis. Thats what led to it all. This just gave you an opportunity to fine tune your relationship.
The trust you are working towards should come from accepting that he was in crisis and depressed. It is a trust in yourself.It will come, my friend. This is all a process and you cant rush it.
Remember his words, that he was depressed, that he felt unworthy, that he didnt realize what he had, that he thought you didnt love him.. Let them allow you to take the walls down a bit. Your feelings about what you had are real. So are his feelings.
Of course, there is anger. There are other things, too, I know.
As I said, it's all a process. Just be open to the possibilities. This is going to take time, my friend. And thats ok. You want a marriage that can weather every storm.
Let it happen. Deal with stuff when you can, when you are ready. Dont get ahead of yourself. While I know there are triggers, there is anger, there are walls and trust issues, there is also a great love there.
You will have to deal with stuff one day. Do it from a place of strength and with the knowledge that you two have been through a really tough thing, but realize that you choose to be together.
