Starting to get it

[mustardseed]

Ok, so after a weekend of getting mixed messages from him I finally came right out and told him what I was worried about. Apparently he seemed surprised that I even thought that we were still planning on separating. How was I supposed to know he changed his mind about that? He never tells me anything that is going on his mind. So my marriage is not ending, but still has a long way to go.

We talked a bit about how we let each other down. He said this isn't a quick fix and he doesn't want me to change, which I don't quite understand. It seems like he doesn't want to work on the marriage but he loves me and doesn't want it to end either.

I want to improve our marriage. I am trying to connect to him but even though he is trying to be positive about that, I can tell I am annoying him. I need to somehow get back to the PMA, GAL, but also be available. I know I was doing that pretty well after Thanksgiving. Somehow I lost that and I realize financial stress is always the trigger that makes me become repulsive to him. The way we each react to the stress is a huge turn off for both of us. I don't know how to talk to him at all. Every conversation get's all muddied.

I know what my goals were at the beginning of this journey. I know it is time to go back to that. I need to take out DR again and reread chapter 2 and the chapters on piecing. I think I skipped by them before because I felt like those possibilities were a long way off.

I am also working on the "How to improve your marriage without talking about it" strategies, but I realize that the simple formula is a little too much for us right now. Six hugs a day is overwhelming and I feel like a PITA with that. But the other advice is useful. Particularly the "jump in his puddle".

Anyone have a good resource for how to talk to your spouse who hates talking? I want to talk about money. But that conversation always leaves me feeling anxious and him shutting down. I just can't find a good way to get us to work together on this.