It has been two years since H started his new job, with the OW as his "right hand woman" (he class her this and it makes me sick). It has been six months to the day since H moved out and decided he no longer wanted to be married or a full time dad.
The fact that I have not felt loved in over two years is taking its toll. I am simply tired of worrying all the time.
Now for the GOOD NEWS...I am going to get a break next week. I have to head out of town on a business trip to Vegas for five days. I usually dread the trip due to long flights, jet lag and not getting an actual weekend break from work. This year, I am so excited. I am going to enjoy four nights in my own bed, without baby monitors and middle of the night wake ups from my children. I am going to dress up in cute going out clothes and eat at fancy restaurants paid for by my company. We have tickets to a show one night. We may be heading to the spa one afternoon. I am going to forgot about the S, not talk to my H (my mom will be watching the boys during the day so I will call then), not worry about what to do with H's constant critical comments and not worry about DBing. I am going to just LIVE! AHHH. Can you tell I am excited?
OK, I had to LOL at the plastic bag conversation. I hope that you are able to laugh at it now, too.
Originally Posted By: 3boyzmom
It has been two years since H started his new job, with the OW as his "right hand woman" (he class her this and it makes me sick).
Ugh. My H dubbed his apartment "The Dad Pad," and it makes me want to hurl.
Quote:
Now for the GOOD NEWS...I am going to get a break next week. I have to head out of town on a business trip to Vegas for five days. I usually dread the trip due to long flights, jet lag and not getting an actual weekend break from work. This year, I am so excited. I am going to enjoy four nights in my own bed, without baby monitors and middle of the night wake ups from my children. I am going to dress up in cute going out clothes and eat at fancy restaurants paid for by my company. We have tickets to a show one night. We may be heading to the spa one afternoon. I am going to forgot about the S, not talk to my H (my mom will be watching the boys during the day so I will call then), not worry about what to do with H's constant critical comments and not worry about DBing. I am going to just LIVE! AHHH. Can you tell I am excited?
Yes, yes, yes! I love this! 3, I think this is exactly what you need. I am super excited for you. You definitely deserve this respite from your sitch and just life in general - and time to just be 3. Not Mom, or LBS, or anything else. Yayy!!!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I'm very excited about your trip. Sometimes it feels good to separate ourselves from our sitch. Hope you enjoy every minute.
So funny about the plastic bags...I have so many that I made a pile to donate to our library today
And Melissa- "The dad pad"-gross. I can't even stomach someone else's H saying that. Sounds a lot like 'I'm going to call it this to make me feel better'. Not trying to read into his thoughts...just sayin
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
H has the kids tonight. I ran a bunch of errands. I was a little down because H and my mom told me that S5 had a meltdown because we wanted to have sinner with both mommy and daddy. Needless to say my heart was a little sad. My night was turned around by the kind action of a complete stranger. I stopped at a drive thru on my way home to grab a drink and a little snack because I skipped dinner and needed to waste some time before heading home. When I got to the window, the nice employee told me that the lady in the car on front of me had paid for my order. It reminded me that there are some really good people in this world. It makes me want to be a better person who makes other people's lives a little brighter.
Thanks for sharing 3-what a random act of kindness. I hate to admit this but in the days/weeks/months following BD I used to think of kind things that would be to service to others and say to myself "When my M is restored and I feel happy again, I can't wait to do things like that". Messed up, huh.
Well, I've done a lot of learning since then
Sorry to hear your S sadness. I can't imagine how their little worlds are turned upside down. My heart breaks for them.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
Great story, 3. The little things are there if you look for them. (And sometimes they fall in your lap!) A few times since BD, I have had a random stranger smile and say hi at the grocery store, or just walking down the street, or at the gym. And it's funny - they didn't have any idea how much I really needed that.
I try to do the same . . . you just never know what is going on in someone else's life - maybe you can brighten their day a little too!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I have a question about therapists. H and I started MC in May. We lasted until BD and then I kept going by myself. H started IC with a different therapist. I have never loved by IC. She is nice and it provides me an outlet to just talk. Just she really does not say much. She will throw in the occasional "how does it make you feel?" If I had not found out about DBing and found you all, I would be a complete mess because I know that she would have not been able to help me get to this place.
I just wanted to see if I had a skewed view about what IC should look like. I am getting tired of just going and talking. She really does not walk me through anything and/or give me homework or things to think about. I was thinking about switching but don't what to switch if I am just going to find the same thing with another therapist. Thanks!
I think its a matter of personal choice. But they should interact and suggest more than occasionally.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
It's a very personal choice. There are several models of therapy and it helps to have some idea of what you'e looking for. What works for one person won't work for the next. I had a T who gave me homework and things to fill out, he talked a lot. Hated it! Wasn't what I needed at that time.
So inform yourself and look for what you need. There is no one best kind of therapy, much depends on who you are and where you are.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
