Fog City Coaster - trouble hanging on

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Thanks Fly and AS! I wrote a long response to this post about a week ago but somehow it got deleted before I could post. I just didn’t have it in me to write the whole thing again at that time.

AS, I have always admired the way you have handled your own situation from afar; you always seem to do the right thing.

Fly, you always give great advice to others, but I rarely see updates of your own situation. Hope you are doing well!!

For me, I just have trouble seeing the difference between detaching to the point of not caring what w does and being ready to move on. Doing nothing and just letting time pass may emotionally get me to where I need to be to just move on. Remaining open to a possible reconciliation while detaching seems like a reasonable goal, but I just haven’t been able to find that place.

At this time I still have lingering hope, but I feel like I need to do something or any opportunity I have will disappear. In the beginning we get here and time may be on our side. Getting past the initial shock of the bomb and finding a way to be happy on our own takes time. Working on ourselves takes time. For me, I have some goals that will take me years to reach. Our WASs also have time to get over the initial split and live on their own for a while.

Right now I don’t feel like time is on my side anymore.

When my w was reaching out to me, I may have had an opportunity and I just didn’t get it right. I am not beating myself up over that. With all the unknowns I did the best I could with the information I had available to me.

Oddly, the one regret that I have is that I didn’t chase at all in the beginning. I am pretty certain that a needy crying whining kind of chasing would never work, but I could have been more persistent about wanting the marriage to work. I know that from the stories here it seems like that never works. But do you ever think that some who do those things in the beginning save their marriages and so we never hear their stories.

I have gone back and read 25s last post to me and the message I get is that maybe I should be more active rather than passive. Just waiting for something to happen with my w is not going to get me anywhere. I just have to think of something to do.