Getting back on track, then something comes along and makes you question "is this right?"...
Been back and forth with the estate agents this week, we have a couple of interested parties and offers on the table. Haven't discussed it with anyone as we have been here before, will carry on "as if" until things start to proceed further. However my mum mentioned it in passing when we were having lunch this week - and asked "is it really what you want - to sell your house?"
The answer is NO. I really don't want to sell my house, but I don't want to live on my own in a place full of memories and 300 miles from the rest of my family. I want to live in it with my partner, the man I followed all that way to live out his dream. We chose the house and village together, to share our lives together in. Its not going to happen now.
Moving away has had many positive points. But I have no one to share things with. I want to tell him about jobs he would like, what its like to be back in familiar surroundings, places it would be good for us to go back to again, how some things have changed. We were happy here, and I want to be happy again.
Selling the house will give me some cash. Do I buy myself a property (if I can get a job and extra finance)? Do I continue to rent (and watch my money dwindle)? Do I have to make a decision now? Although I am (only!!) 50, getting a mortgage I can pay of before I retire is a big commitment. Decisions, decisions....
And I wouldn't be having to make them if he hadn't been such an A**e, £$$%!! £"£$%""! (expletives) in the first place and had just continued to love me the way he loved me for 20 years!
To make things worse, the smarter that me phone misdialled this afternoon EX number!! Luckily he didn't repy before I realised what had happened. But I got a voicemail from him, sorry he missed the call, explaining why his phone was turned off. "Feel free to ring me back anytime this evening(!?!) or while I am at work tomorrow - will be switched on all day." Cant see the wife appreciating me calling him during the evening. His first sentence was "hi its me.." and he ended the call "see you soon". I have listened to the message half a dozen times. Cant bring myself to call him. I didn't need to speak to him in the first place... But his voice was like switch - listening to the man I love, but who doesn't want me anymore, Hurts.
