I am no longer All alone - I am Ab Fab, Absolutely Fabulous. In this spirit I am starting my new year, new me approach.
On a slight downer, I am putting ex and his antics behind me day to day. But he crops up in my dreams every night, and now his new wife is joining him. My councellor used to say it was my sub conscious dealing with the stress and putting things into perspective. Its bugging me though...
I dealt with the dreams too... I know it is a hard thing to deal with because in a sense it feels outside your control. Several of mine were recurring and pretty disturbing.
Eventually I stopped having any dreams with the OW in them. I don't know for sure what caused the change, but I can think of three things I did differently in an effort to sleep better.
#1: Changed sleeping aid. Was taking an over the counter thing with same same active ingredient as Benedryl, started taking Melatonin instead.
#2: Started doing a nightly meditation where I wish myself and my H both peace, happiness, and compassion. I don't just *think* it, I really try to FEEL it. Like I can send out that positive energy to ask a greater power to lend us both the strength to heal our pain. If you are a prayerful sort, then that probably works much the same way.
#3: Really tried to let the OW fall out of my mind completely. She is/was a symptom of a bigger issue. There is nothing special about her that deserves my interest or examination. If my H had a boil on his ass, would I want to scrutinize and analyze it? Or would it be more useful to understand the causes of it and hope in the future I could help him exercise habits and behaviors that would prevent it from happening again? I know in your case it is a little different because you are farther along in your journey... but you really have to work to detach from the care about the OW. OW is nothing, don't give her your energy.
Before you go to bed, think about journaling positive thoughts and goals about yourself and your future. Simply setting the tone before you go to sleep can help steer your dreams ina more positive direction.
And as your Counselor said, don't put too much stock in the dreams anyways. They really are the different parts of your brain processing through memories, ideas, feelings, and emotional issues as a means of coping... but most of the time the dream itself is going to be nonsense to your waking mind.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
Tigerlily, thanks for dropping by, and the advice.
I am taking a prescription med to help me sleep - partly because of the panic attacks I had at night when this all started, but also because of problems I had following a severe shingles attack. I have tried not taking them but it makes things worse, and my GP said I am better taking sleep meds and trying to get off ADs. So, we'll see.
however the positive thoughts, meditation before going to sleep seems to be a very good idea. Although I'm not sure if that's what's putting ex back into my thought?
As for the OW - she doesn't deserve any consideration - and I wish she'd butt out of my dreams. Too much. But she is obviously in there somewhere. Damn!!
Getting back on track, then something comes along and makes you question "is this right?"...
Been back and forth with the estate agents this week, we have a couple of interested parties and offers on the table. Haven't discussed it with anyone as we have been here before, will carry on "as if" until things start to proceed further. However my mum mentioned it in passing when we were having lunch this week - and asked "is it really what you want - to sell your house?"
The answer is NO. I really don't want to sell my house, but I don't want to live on my own in a place full of memories and 300 miles from the rest of my family. I want to live in it with my partner, the man I followed all that way to live out his dream. We chose the house and village together, to share our lives together in. Its not going to happen now.
Moving away has had many positive points. But I have no one to share things with. I want to tell him about jobs he would like, what its like to be back in familiar surroundings, places it would be good for us to go back to again, how some things have changed. We were happy here, and I want to be happy again.
Selling the house will give me some cash. Do I buy myself a property (if I can get a job and extra finance)? Do I continue to rent (and watch my money dwindle)? Do I have to make a decision now? Although I am (only!!) 50, getting a mortgage I can pay of before I retire is a big commitment. Decisions, decisions....
And I wouldn't be having to make them if he hadn't been such an A**e, £$$%!! £"£$%""! (expletives) in the first place and had just continued to love me the way he loved me for 20 years!
To make things worse, the smarter that me phone misdialled this afternoon EX number!! Luckily he didn't repy before I realised what had happened. But I got a voicemail from him, sorry he missed the call, explaining why his phone was turned off. "Feel free to ring me back anytime this evening(!?!) or while I am at work tomorrow - will be switched on all day." Cant see the wife appreciating me calling him during the evening. His first sentence was "hi its me.." and he ended the call "see you soon". I have listened to the message half a dozen times. Cant bring myself to call him. I didn't need to speak to him in the first place... But his voice was like switch - listening to the man I love, but who doesn't want me anymore, Hurts.
The meditation helps, if that helps you any. Once in the morning right after you wake up and just before bed.
If you're religious, then read your text. I am. I read my bible before I go to bed and meditate on it. Same in the morning before getting ready for work. It's like a workout for the mind.
I had same issues as you a long time ago. It takes time but you'll get there. Keep working on it and chip away at it little by little. It adds up
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks AJ, you are right, it does take time... And the meditation does help.
Right now I am fairly positive- even when nothing is going quite right.
To add to the other ongoing issues my dog has been poorly. Got her to the vet and treatment seems to be helping a lot. However I have had to e-mail ex regarding her and some money issues relating to our property. No reply.
Why can he respond to a blank text and missed call, but when I actually need a response NOTHING! Bloody man!!
Have still had no reply - what the h*ll - perhaps i'll just send a blank text or ring and hang up. Seems to have better results.
On a more positive note- I have realised that doing things for yourself is very satisfying.
yesterday I managed to put up a kitchen shelf, put up some coat hooks, fix the wonky toilet seat and put some hanging rails in a bedroom cupboard. Not life changing, but I did it all myself - Oh yes, and I changed a light bulb!
