Here I Am Again!

[Missmygirl]

It's been about 3 weeks since my last update here. Before I left on my last business trip, E had told me that she wanted a separation. She needed space from me. I listened to what she had to say and really didn't respond with much. What was there to say? I told her that I wished she wouldn't leave, but I would respect her request. I left for my trip and didn't communicate with her much while I was away. I figured I needed to get used to being on my own.

I returned home from my trip and didn't say anything to her about us. I really felt there was nothing more to say. I went about my day, spent time with our daughters and pretty much kept myself away from E. I was nice, but didn't go out of my way.

As I was getting ready to head to our guest bedroom for the night, she called me aside and told me she wanted to "try again". I said, "ok".

I don't really know what she means by "trying". E's approach at fixing things in our relationship has always been to bury it and pretend that it didn't happen.

Any time I have ever tried to talk to her, addressing something that she and I disagree about, she gets irritated, upset and withdraws. Nothing gets solved. This happens even when our disagreement is about something quite trivial. She logs it as another sign of the demise of our relationship. For the past couple of years, she has become quite critical and says things that reveal her contempt for me. It seems that we can't talk about anything without it being a bad experience for her.

How do you fix anything if you just try to pretend that it didn't happen? We all know that we don't forget stuff that our spouses do that upset us. E is VERY good at bringing out the catalog that lists all of my offenses. If she's not willing to forgive, this marriage is doomed to failure.

Do any of you live with a spouse who just can't seem to deal with any disagreement that happens to arise? I am trying to keep building a bridge back to E without actually approaching her, since I don't want her to feel pressured. This is a very delicate dance.

It's been almost 3 years since our marriage took a very abrupt turn south. This is getting very tiring. At times, I just want to call it quits and move on. That's always an option, but wouldn't it be better for both of us to accept each other, stop tearing each other down and start encouraging, protecting and lifting each other up? Our daughters are watching and will be learning a great deal in the process. Which ever way it ends up going. I sincerely hope they learn that a good marriage isn't just a mirage.