separated 6 weeks still on the journey

[newton0]

Hi Paul, you posted a lot of great nuggets of information in your thread; thanks.

I've been in a similar sitch since 9/6. I got frustrated with my W's lack of progress/commitment and disengaged after we commenced dating for several months (and having a good time). She refused to come home, and whenever I tried to talk about R, I got a laundry list of complaints, the 'I'm lost' response, and a general lack on her part to do anything to move the ball forward.

I got tired of no sex/intimacy, and having to drive everything, so I started acting 'as-if' I was moving on with my life. This included getting a room-mate, buying a vehicle to replace the one she left with, and dating. I continued therapy during this time. This seemed to backfire and push her further away. At the beginning of this month, she said she 'panicked' and signed a 6-month apartment lease after the room she was renting became unavailable.

With that, I've decided to go completely dark. I've taken steps that reflect the reality that she is either incapable, or unwilling to work on R, and not interested in coming home. Last week she got a bit hostile when I asked her to spend the night.

I've been pondering signing-up for DB coaching, but not sure what insightful information they could provide other than either file a separation agreement or wait for her to do so, or emerge from her journey stating she's become 'un-lost'. I'm getting on with my life and not going to be simply sitting on the sidelines waiting for her. I can't guarantee I'll be in a position to take her back if she ever decides she wants to work on the R. In the meantime, I will continue therapy & working on myself. My plan is to perform an exhaustive post-mortem of what happened to our M & what errors I made in an attempt to learn/grow for future relationships.