New here, similar stories to everyone else...

[WB2014]

" It must su@k for him to be in such a bad place that he needs to lash out etc etc""

I like this. He definitely is in a really bad place. You all have convinced me - I really need to address this. I mean, I knew all this, but I just keep getting lost. I guess it's a process... two steps forward and one step back.

Thanks for all the support MrBond and juliegayle.

Today I am really angry. Angry because he can just divorce me so easily and just go on with his life. We've already had a half-hearted (in anger) discussion about custody in the past. I know he'd be happy with one dinner night a week and every other weekend. He wouldn't require them in the summers - he wouldn't know what to do with them! So I am left alone to deal with my son's disabilities, my teenagers drama and all the stuff that we deal with, with my other son. Let me tell you, I love my children like no other - but it takes a two person team to deal with all that we deal with - and I could never, ever walk away from that. I am so so pissed that he can.

I also kind of pity him right now. He's moping around, depressed, oh poor me, I can't get the divorce because of money. Oh, poor me, I have a horrible life because I have a wife who is committed and will do anything to figure something out, including just accepting all his allegations as fact, not fighting it or turning it on him and just working on it. Oh poor me, I have great kids that need me & love me. Are you kidding me?

This morning we had two of our kids causing just random kid trouble, and I was left to deal with it on my own while he just sat and stared off, sitting on the couch.

Today, I am just absolutely fed up that he can forget (and deny it happened!) all the good laughter, fun times and bonding and just sulk around, barely exist and never look inward or at himself, or even consider what he has done to contribute to this, even in the smallest amount. I am so pissed that these new friends, that he's had maybe 2 years get the best him and unintentionally or not, convinced him that single life is where it's at. Fed up that he waited so long to tell me all that he's saying he's stuffed inside for the entirety of our relationship so this never had a chance to be addressed. Fed up that I have nothing to fall back on career wise, and he can waltz off with his 6 figure salary that we really built together and I will be in near poverty. Fed up that in the last year he never really gave a good effort to any of this - working on us, working on him.

Today, I am just done. Just done with all of this. But, I can't just walk away. I don't believe in walking away. Not because of any religious obligations - but I made a commitment and I just don't think it's ethical. And I am upset that I just have to wait around for him to decide he has the money to divorce me. I get no say, even though we entered into this together, he can leave on his own?? That's just wrong.

I am so mad that he's warped into some other person who I can barely relate to and struggle to even like... but I hold on, hoping that if he flipped once, he can flip back...

I don't know. I'm a mess. This is so unfair - and I know life is unfair...