bent not broken

[willbwell]

s20 went to have lunch with h. he goes back to school tomorrow.
there was no D discussion with me prior. Going to miss him. It has been nice having him home.

h stopped by to see kids last night. ate dinner. I was my usual busy self.

h shared some work change-ups( a new vp). I asked if he would tell me if he gets a promotion. Seems it would be logical. h does a good job. he has been in this position for 7 years now...
he said he thinks next 12 months will be change, indecision, turmoil (his words)said he thinks promotion is last thing he's getting.
I don't think h is manipulative or saying something that isn't true. He probably does feel stress with his job. he is high up in the company.1,000's of employees under him.

I will say no more about this for the time being.
H never liked talking about work...

[willbwell]

Got a panicky feeling this AM.
Want to talk with h.
want to tell him I am sad and scared. I want him to Comfort ME...
I know when I feel this anxiety, I am supposed to sit. I start to pray, give it to God.
Nothing is happening. I go to class. H goes to work.
there is no movement.
I just wish we could talk...

There was no talk with the boys about D.
other than papers being filed. nothing else has been done.

[willbwell]

I know the answer of course, he can't! STOP asking!
just needed to post here to keep myself from texting something stupid that I would regret.
time to get ready for school

[bustingout]

Good for you WBW for coming here instead of a text. Part of this process is finding healthy ways to comfort ourselves, and not be dependent on others to do it for us. This helps us become whole again. Thinking of you x

[willbwell]

Looking for underdog...
As my signature says my d15 is dev delay. She's so sweet and so good and such a blessing. So genuine.
With this D in the process one of the items h and I will need to figure out is d15's long term care. She will never live independent. She goes to a great school right now where she can stay until she is 22.
There are options available for after she ages out but like most things very expensive.
probably live with me, but going into D, need to be able to show h the costs. I am doing my HW

one of the things my sister brought up is if something were to happen to me and I could not take care of d.
H would just want to hire someone. If I were to die, my family would want d15.They would not want some hired help to take care of her.
I have not had this discussion with h, but feel we should.

For the most part right now, d15 will stay 1 night with h. usually he will pick her up 4ish, go to dinner, watch a movie and go to bed. she is home by 9 the next morning.
I do all her school, dr, activities.
Its been my job.

[job]

If you are looking for underdog, you may want to try posting a note on her thread over under Surviving the Big D.

[Underdog]

Hey Will,

(Thanks, Job, for steering her to my forum anyway.)

Just got back from D16's IEP, so your timing is kinda eerie. Although I think I know what you are asking, can you tell me specifically what information you might need? BTW, your sister is so smart... good for her for addressing this issue with you. I know it's a tough one.

My XH and I have a special needs trust set up, which is the umbrella governing document that oversees our wills, living trusts, guardians (our kids were 8 and 5 at the time), and financial details.

So ask away. Big hugs to another special needs mom. I feel the same way about my D16.

Betsey

[willbwell]

we too have a special needs trust set up. and when d is 18 I am sure we will both go forth to seek her guardianship.
I believe h will always do right by the children
I will continue to provide her care.
I am back in school and expect to be working by fall of 14. I will have to make arrangements for d's care like what most working parents have to do. I have been blessed to be a stay at home mom all these years.
New Normal.
Told h my whole purpose for going back to school and working was to contribute to our family, not be a sole provider.
feel I need to see L who drew up Spec needs trust to give a heads up.
not sure what/how it impacts but surely it does...

I could say to h this is what D looks like( usual custody in my state) but I don't. d doesn't want it. she wants to be home. h doesn't ask/want it.

s17 is asking how much longer I am going to be on computer...LOL We share this comp. his turn...

[Underdog]

Will,

Is your SNT covering everything you cover from soup to nuts? I might not understand fully. Does it specify guardians if you both get hit by the bus? Do you have your wishes completely mapped out? Or is it a skeleton trust that just has the framework in place to fill in the blanks?

Betsey

[willbwell]

we have guardianship in case if something happened to the both of us.( my family)
However, now that h has filed for D, my family feels differently about h and the person he has become.
I am main caregiver of d. If something were to happen to h, the changes for d would not be as different. I continue to care for her.
If something happens to me...well, major changes for d. H would not quit his job to take care of d. His job is travel 2 weeks out of the month. He would want to hire someone to live in and or of course there could be ow...

Same goes for my boys...They will one day be guardians for d.
People are mapped out in the trust.
The snt and our Will will have to be revisited.