Wife Said She's Done - Pt. 2 ..and Still Hopeful

[OneDay]

So I brought up the timesharing of kids and it didn't go as I was hoping it would. I didnt know at the time, but she just met with her attorney earlier in the day.

So here's what happen
I started off calmly and asked, what are we going to do about time sharing of the kids. She gave me this weird look and said she wasn't sure how she feels about it at the moment. I said yea, I kind of got that from your attorney response to decline the 50-50, but agree both are fit parents and should have shared responsibility. I then asked could you tell me why you would be opposed to 50-50 timesharing....

This is where it got interesting. She said and I quote "I can see that you've changed and have made very positive changes, But I know you, and Im afraid they will not last and you will go back to your old ways and that concerns me" I said Im sorry you feel that way, but my eyes are finally open. She then said "...and there's also your addiction to porn (gulp) and your attitude towards legalizing Marijuana(gulp) She said that doesn't sit well with me, which is why I dont agree to 50-50. (gulp, gulp, gulp)

I remained calm and came back with. I dont feel that watching porn from time to time is an addiction. (and yes I watch it "occasionally") I said, You or the boys have never been around or exposed to anything I might be doing in private. (She is completely against and disgusted by pornography and feels as if it cheating)

Then she brought up the Mary Jane topic. She's never tried it, I used it quite a bit in high school, but only about 5 times during our married life. However I do believe that it's better/safer to use than Alcohol and I think it should be legal in our state and I've mentioned that to WAS before. I have also mentioned a few times that I would not condone. but I dont think I would be overly concerned if our boys (once older) tried it. (heck I remember high school and there were several temptations floating around) I would prefer they stay away from all but I just know that temptations are out there and I can try and teach them the best I can, but they will eventually make their own decision (right or wrong) My comment never meant that there wouldn't be consequences for their actions.

We went back an forth a few times, and she eventually said shes's glad I would not be okay with them doing that. (She knows dam well I would not be okay with them drinking or doing drugs) Heck, we already both agree to limit candy, soda's, junk food, TV, video games etc and have always been on the same page on this. I feel we are fairly strict but we both agree to our disipline style.

It ended with her saying "Well my attorney said the last thing we want with children involved is for the court to decide what is best, and that we should be able to figure all this out in mediation" I said, I hope we can figure most out before mediation. She said yea, yea. and spaced out for a moment.

I then said this really stinks, and she said "yes it does stink, but your actions over and over, year after year have lead us down this path." I said I if I knew what I know now, I would have done several things differently. She said I know, and its a weird limbo we are living in now and its really going to be weird when its all done. She spaced out again for few then walked away

Now you know why Im feeling so bad. ONCE again I am feeling this is all my fault and If I would have listen/woken up earlier that this could have been avoided. I've been in a very bad place yesterday and today.