Morning! I should have realized you have a thread here, and I'm just sorry I didn't find you sooner. Because you sure as heck verbalize and articulate a lot of things that go on in my head and world too. You were right when you said we've had similar paths. I mean eerily similar, right down to the Al-Anon stuff and need for control and it boiling down to 1 big wound. Yikes!
Sigh. Also right there with you on the honey-do list. When my XH left, the last thing he screamed at me when he moved out was, "Don't call me to come over and fix stuff! Because I'm sick of being your Fixit Boy on your timeframe!" Ouch! Guilty as charged. It took a loooonnnnggggg time for me to bring this into the overall control issue, and then even longer to apologize to him down the road. He was very gracious and accepted my heartfelt apology. And funny... he always has been my go-to handyman; while I try not to take advantage of it anymore, periodically I have his smart self come over and show me how to do stuff myself. Like draining and turning on the sprinkler system. I reward him with a glass of wine and my awesome company.
I will pick up the book recommendation by Richo soon on my Kindle. No doubt it will help me prepare for my next R. No surprise that this stuff comes up for me too post-D. I'll be checking back so I can conduct my own checklist vicariously through you. Thanks!
Right now I'm reading Wayne Dyer's Wishes Fulfilled: Mastering the Art of Manifesting. I keep falling asleep, but I'm going to reread to make the most out of it. I want to design my next 40-50 years to be what my heart desires.
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I hope this is helpful but I think the bottom line is, we just have to let go. Until we can be OK with and love ourselves, we can't be completely present in a R.
I am in complete agreement with you on this one. I avoided dating for a really long time because I knew I was not ready, only I had to let go of my D19 when she graduated and moved to NY to go to college. For me, it was the last big piece that I had to manage. I think it was hard because I also turned 50 in 2012, and I was really uncomfortable with that milestone. To me, it meant that there was more in my rear view mirror than my windshield, and I realized that I had a long way to go to make what is in the windshield matter and be terrific. At that moment, I would have given myself a D on my personal report card, and it was really overwhelming.
So, there is much to gain by letting go. Have you ever heard Suzy Boggus' song Letting Go? It makes me cry to this day. Probably because I know it's so important and makes our human experience what it is. We're *supposed* to be separate and not enmeshed. That doesn't mean we don't love fully and deeply, it's just that we allow others to be completely themselves and focus on managing our own baggage.
Back when I was in IC and dealing with the baggage issue and my incessant need for control, yet being so unhappy that nobody else was taking care of their stuff, she made me visualize leaving their massive luggage at a busy intersection curb. From that point forward, I became mindful of the "bags" I was choosing to carry - with the ultimate goal of walking this earth carrying nothing. I'm not there yet, but I'm a whole lot better now than I was when I started this path.
So good for you!
Hope your day is productive and happy, and filled with joy.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
