Feeling Lost in MLC Limbo Land

[AJM]

It seems like it would be a lot easier to handle if he was living at home (even while seeing OW) or at the very least living in the same city.

It's not easier. Just so you know.

You're getting the right mind about this - slowly. Willing is the key to what you will or won't do and it's a far cry from surviving. It's more on the thriving side of things. But you'll be surprise what you're willing to do. I know I was surprised to find what my boundaries really were vs. what I thought they would be.

Peace,
AJ

[NewOutlookNow]

AJM - I hear what you're saying. I was surprised by my boundaries and what I've put up with until now. I guess until you go through the situation, you don't really know what you are willing to do.

Thanks for your reply. I feel a bit more at ease about it all today...

[BklynMom]

Sound like you are doing really well for how recently the bomb was.

Hang in there and take it one day or one hour at a time.

and check out an alanon meeting

[NewOutlookNow]

Thanks. It feels as if I'm at the stage of acceptance now, which feels a whole lot better than despair, bewilderment & hopelessness. So, what I'm feeling now is.....

"It is what it is" and "I am where I am"

I am also starting to feel courage building up in me. Yikes. LOL.

While it still feels scary and I know I'm not fully there yet, I am beginning to imagine what it will be like when I am there & feeling courageous. I imagine that it will mean that if the current situation is not serving me and/or my husband doesn't have intentions of working on our marriage, then I will have the courage to do what is best for "me" even though it may mean me choosing to end the marriage.

The fact that I don't have children definitely makes this a LOT less conflicting of a decision for me. My heart goes out to everyone that is dealing with this type of situation that has children, especially young children. While I can try to empathize I can't imagine the additional turmoil I'd be in if I had children.

Okay, back to me and taking responsibility for my own life. LOL

I want to believe that there's a great life out there waiting for me. And it seems that each and every day I am getting closer to want to start living it. Fully.

I'm not there yet, but at least it feels good to know that it's somewhere on the horizon....if I choose to look and proceed in that direction.

I will check out an Al-Anon meeting by the end of the weekend as want to do some inner work on the co-dependency issues I have. I appreciate the reminder and will touch base with you after I attend a meeting this weekend.

[NewOutlookNow]

H didn't call at noon (as we've scheduled to talk). I sent him a text and he replied he's on a call and will ping me later.

I sent another text, "I was hopeful we could talk. Whether we decide to work on us or move on, we still need to talk. :-)"

He replied, "Tonight :)" I replied, "I have plans tonight. Can you talk after 9:30?" I didn't hear back from H.

Then I wrote him the following loooong text (separated it into sentences below to make it easier to read).

"Husband" - I accept, release & forgive what happened in the past.

I have done a lot of inner work and I no longer have a desire to blame or judge you. I have had enough of my own issues to address. lol.

What's done is done and I am living in the present now with a focus on the future.

I would just like to talk to see what comes up and let our hearts lead the way. If our hearts no longer feel a connection, so be it...let's move on.

I am ready to accept whatever the outcome -whether we recreate a new relationship or divorce, then release whatever still needs to be released (based on that outcome) and then trust that everything will turn out great & just live a joyful and fun life. :-)

Either way, I am sure that everything will turn out great for both of us...whatever we decide. :-)

Husband replied 30 minutes later, "You are wonderful :)"

I replied, "So are you :-)"

I then added, "I'm just ready to move forward with life. Start living it and loving it. Fully. :-)"

No reply from husband yet. I think I'm going to give him some time to "digest it" all. And will wait for him to contact me at this point.

FYI - Husband moved out beginning of July and is living with OW, out of state. Just talked for first time on phone in Dec & only after H found out I went to see attorney (w/very little prior email/text communication).

I welcome any thoughts and/or perspectives you may want to share. And if any vets feel strongly that I'm making things worse, I'd love to hear your insights.

Thank you. :-)

[BklynMom]

What you wrote was beautiful but do not write anymore.

Is your H currently living with another woman?

If that is the case your H needs to take a lot of actions on his own before you can begin to consider reconciling - # 1. move out of the apt with other woman.

Thank god he thinks you are wonderful after you basically told him you would take him back after he went off with another woman.

Let him sort out his sh!t you should focus more on you

[NewOutlookNow]

So I sent H text and email to tell him I know he's living in "__" (OW's home state). And I said it explains so much since there was no way for us to work on our marriage with a 3rd person in the picture. Unfortunately, I let my emotions get the best of me and told him in the same text that I will be contacting an attorney (who we both happen to know) to ask for a reference for a divorce attorney. He replied the next morning that we don't need an attorney and just need to agree on the paperwork and file.

The next morning I told him to send me an email and let me know what his terms would be and that I'll let him know.

Then, I sent him a text afterwards and asked why he gave up on us so quickly (he met OW in April & moved out in July) without even trying to work on us. And I asked if he'd be willing to completely end things there and move back (to home state) to give us a chance to work on "us". It gets worse...LOL As I was caught up in the emotions of it all (and didn't pause and read over the texts nor take a deep breath) I also told him that I love him and if he knows in his heart that I'm not the one for him, to let me know.

H did not respond.

BklynMom - I went to an Al-Anon meeting. I just wanted to let you know and tell you how much I appreciate you telling me about the meeting. It seems like a great group of genuine & caring people. I'm looking forward to going to my next meeting. In the meantime, I will read through some of the literature to help me keep my mind more focused on "ME" and not my husband. BTW- I love the simple but powerful messages on the 'Just For Today' bookmark. That will definitely be helpful to read and re-read...maybe a couple hundred times a day?! LOL