I stepped away from my thread for a few days and have been knocking things off my list--the scary stuff. I've also been focused on my organizational book.
I haven't texted Smokey and haven't heard anything since his sweet text of a week ago. We have a visit scheduled on Saturday. I'm going to be scarce...either in the bedroom or at a friend's house. I think both girls want me here, so I may just stay in the bedroom. Problem is that he like to come and knock on the bedroom door. I may need to set a boundary that I'm not interested in seeing him and please text or email me if he needs to talk to me.
I've been working out. I bounced on the trampoline for an hour!!! yesterday and did a little yoga. Haven't lost any weight but I'm content that I'm making the exercise a part of my routine. I'm beginning to miss it when I don't exercise.
I'm paying closer attention to where I spend my valuable time. This morning I woke up feeling terrible because I walked into the living room and kitchen and there was a huge mess to clean up before students arrived. Part of the mess is mine. LOL.
I'm noticing that I spend a lot of time cleaning and worrying about cleaning or feeling like I should be cleaning. I want this worry minimized or eradicated. If I were to make one hour of my day devoted to cleaning up the daily messes, then I think I would feel a whole lot better about life in general.
I'm also working on my positive thinking. I'm getting better at it!
I've really been thinking about how I need to change my mirror. D19's recent visit to my dad's house showed me where some of my negative, pressure cooker, anxious thoughts came from. D19 spent at least two days detoxing from the pressure to be perfect. During one of her monologues on her experience, I said to her, "D19, my dad is just a guy who has made lots of mistakes in his life. That's it and nothing more. He loves you and wants the best. I see you looking to him for your value. Is he the person you want to size up and give you validation in life? Is he who you want to aspire to be???"
My own words really hit ME. I wouldn't choose my dad as a mentor in life. I love my dad, but he isn't who I want to be. I started thinking about women I admire who I want as a mirror.
D19 and I also talked about who she is, at heart. I remember when she was in soccer, she rarely missed a practice. She was someone who was very dedicated to her team. Then, the situation with Smokey and blah, blah, blah...It occurred to me how life's situations and the people we interact with can alter who we really are down deep.
What if I'm really an organized, capable woman. I just haven't brought her to the surface yet because I've allowed other people and situations hold me back from letting her out??
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
