We never had one face-to-face talk after she walked out last year. I wonder if I did everything I could? Did I screw up by not pursuing more? I know in my heart that we will never reconcile or even talk again once she signs on the dotted line. I'm just a clip of film on her cutting room floor now. I just don't understand.
I don't think there's anything you could have done that would have changed the outcome. Your W is hellbent on D and has probably convinced herself that it is her path to happiness. Once she gets the D and discovers she's still not happy, then maybe she'll start to face her real issues.
I know you think it's over at D, but sometimes WAS's don't even begin to realize they're in the fog until the D is final. D could be the first step in your W's recovery. Or she my never come out of the fog, it's really hard to say. All I can say for sure is nearly all of the couples I've known that had a WAS, the WAS eventually wanted to reconcile, sometimes even after D. There's only one I know of that never did and that was my brother's WAS, but she was a serial cheater even before they were married. Anyway, often the WAS waits so long that the LBS becomes the one that doesn't want to reconcile. So when you decide to stop standing is up to you, but I wouldn't let D stop you from standing if you don't want it to because couples DO reconcile after D.
