Don't know what to think

[T-boned]

I did feel that way all weekend long until today. Got through most of the day, but while sitting at a stoplight two blocks from my hotel I had a major case of 'the misses.' The tears just filled my eyes and kept flowing. When I reached the parking lot I called a good friend and had her talk me down. Took a shower and met some hotel friends for dinner who provided a good distraction.

Then moments ago, I got back to my room and there was a text from my SIL, one of three, and the one I was closest with, who said she misssed me, could she call me sometime, and told me she loved me. I haven't had a text from her since maybe August and had pretty much given up on her as I know my H is closest to her as well. I thought she had decided to lose contact with me in order to 'support' her brother which I totally understand and accept. But I have missed talking to her,too. So my reply text may have been a little too enthusiastic - lots of capital letters and exclamation points saying, "yes," to call me.

My guess is she has been his only real true confidant in the family because I know how he feels about all the others. Doesn't think much of their opinions because of the decisions they've made in the past. And I can pretty much guess that his parents aren't being consulted much either.

Anyway, I was glad to 'hear' from my SIL, but I suppose I have to walk a fine line with her too. Let's just see if she does call me. She did this once before and never called.

I suppose I have to act like it's all good, that I'm happy, which is true except for this sitch with her brother. I just don't know how much more of this facade I have to try and put on - it's tiring and I'm not very good at it. Fake it til I make it? Just not my style, but I suppose if I stand any chance at all I've got to buck up and do it?

Please, let the nightmare be over....I miss my family.