New here, similar stories to everyone else...

[WB2014]

Well, not good.

Let me first say - the last couple of days have been pretty good. But, that's the pattern... A few days of upswing and then tank.

So, as I mentioned - we cannot afford a divorce, period. We don't even have an extra $300 to just file. And there has been no money set aside or obvious intent to plan for one. My husband makes a very nice salary. I barely make anything - but it helps and really, it was our decision 11 years ago that I would give up my career (which was a lot of money at the time and a lot of earning potential) to stay home with the kids. We didn't want day care, and as I've mentioned one of my kids has multiple disabilities. I've been working again for 5 years - and it's perfect because it's at my kids elem school, so I am on their schedule for when they get home, days off, summers - and I am free every afternoon for appointments and PT & OT therapy appointments each week.

Apparently, as this mess with H and I all came to a head, it seems that my H has grown very resentful that he is the main income earner and has to be responsible for providing nearly everything. He says he hates his job, he's a cog in the system, and he's stuck, among other things, due to his being the breadwinner. He said he's been telling me for a couple of years to get a better paying job (I believe it's only come up in the last year). I tell him it's not that easy, I've been out of my previous line of work for 11 years. It would be difficult to get back and the pay would be low. I'd essentially be completely starting over, entry level, competing with single, childless, just out of college people (I'm 39) have no idea wbout the current technologies and verbiage used and the job postings I have seen - now all require a college degree. I have a lot of college but not a degree. We'd be paying more in travel, new clothes for me, day care, plus day care for a disabled child --- and then what would we do about all the appointments, therapies and the entire summer?? He doesn't want to reason with that and just thinks I should do it. Period.

So, long story short - he was expecting a hefty bonus in March and the rumor going around is that the bonuses may potentially be delayed until July.

We discussed this at dinner - and he was livid. Mad at his employer, mad at himself for not taking a voluntary lay off that was offered and would have resulted in LOTS of money, mad that it seems like the employer is punishing those who stayed by delaying contracted pay. And, mad at me because all I mentioned above came up again. He mentioned about all his coworkers who took the voluntary lay off and were so happy to leave and weren't worried about money because they had a "spouse who actually gets paid something"

It also has been up in the air with what he was planning to do with this bonus. He mentioned a couple of things around the house we need to fix, and we'd lay off bills but was kind of always vague about the rest and in the back of my mind I always wondered if that bonus was his escape plan and would use it to divorce. So I am left wondering if he's also upset because now, his plan is foiled and he will be stuck Indefinitely.....

Anyway... He is cycling between depressed and mad. He wouldn't out the kids to bed - which is his normal things he's always done and he's essentially not interested in talking to me. About anything.

I steering clear, and hiding out in my room- but he will probably use that against me at some point and say I was being the moody, withdrawn one.