separated 6 weeks still on the journey

[paul19510]

As I sit here tonight, it occurs to me that the anxiety I felt and the sleeplessness last night were partly caused by my enmeshment in this M.

when I stand up strong and when I begin to feel a few moments of detachment, I don't feel as anxious. When I try to think about what W might be doing or where she is or what she thinks, bingo! Very anxious. So the trick is to keep detaching. keep my feet moving. today's 'coffee talk' was a minor slip in the grand scheme of things and I can't keep doing that. Like you guys said, it only hurts me and I'm sure it only makes this limbo process drag on longer. I've got to leave her alone and let her think about things.

she can't miss me if I never go away. I can't have her show me that she believes in the M too if I do all the approaching and working.

Lastly, I must learn that its not ALL MY FAULT. yes, I did things that helped to get us here. We both did. I have to fix my stuff and let her deal with her own. some righteous indignation about her leaving me with everything to do except her horses as well as not taking much time for D16 and S12 will help me stay away. I don't have to say "poor girl.." about that. I can say, I'm sorry you feel that way(not to her but internally), but I don't like the way you're acting and its hurting the family. that should also fuel my desire to stay away and let her be.

thoughts? big day lots of growing for me !