My Picnic Blanket

[JuneReN]

Ah...but what if your H does not agree with you (in bringing the family back together to heal kids?)

Where do you go from there?

How do you heal your kids another way?

[bustingout]

You are right Ruby. Absolutely spot on with this question.and this is what I need to be thinking about and focusing on... What I want / will do regardless of what h wants..

So ...

[BrightFuture]

Busting, I’m happy and sad for you and your kids at the same time. I’m happy that you had a couple of weeks with the family and H and he was giving you and the kids all of his time. I’m sad that it ended. That your kids are hurt again by not being with their father full time. I’m hurt for you. I think that these two weeks had some downfall as well. It is like re-opening an old wound for you. I get it. I would feel the same and I would have a meltdown too.

Ruby posted some good questions. You do need to think how to make your life and your kids life better without H in it. I bet when he sees you happy and content and your kids doing great, he will want some of that life too. Hugs to you.

[willbwell]

with you guys bright and busting....
interesting what our future holds...

so sorry for our h's. they have no idea...

[bustingout]

BF thank you. I too am happy and sad at the same time. I dont know how to be almost. If h is really ending it with OW - is this significant? Should I do something different as a result? Should I do something different after his very noticeable change after this trip?

My kids both cried last night for H. I felt it almost came out of no where. In my head I was actually thinking that we were all doing pretty well coming back. It seemed easier than the past for the kids. Then last night after I said good night I went back into the room and found them both crying for h. Ugh. A small part of me wanted to say 'forget him!' .... Anyway, I spoke with them, they told me how they felt. I validated. They asked me to send H their feelings. I did. H responded saying he loves them and wil talk to them later.

He hasn't.

Is fine. When he called they were playing with friends. They didn't want to talk to him.

Have some interaction with h. He tells me where he is and who he is seeing. I don't ask. Is this good? Want to keep this slow momentum with h especially for the kids and has been better for me and him too. How to do that?
Will continue to do my best for my kids and be a positive role model

[LoisB]

Busting,

I think you handled your kids' feelings really well.

BF thank you. I too am happy and sad at the same time. I dont know how to be almost. If h is really ending it with OW - is this significant? Should I do something different as a result? Should I do something different after his very noticeable change after this trip?

What you are doing seems to be working! I say, in my humble opinion, keep it up. Keep your focus on you and the kids.

Lots of love to you--I know how hard it is to have those family moments (with everyone included) and, then, have to let go again.

Take good care of yourself,

Heather

[JuneReN]

I think you handled the kids perfectly. The fact that when H called and they didn't want to speak to hi speaks volumes. They are adjusting fine and as we know, these feelings of sadness come and go

You called your H about the kids, okay. What if you send him an pic or little text?

Something that you found funny ( and something you know he would), but something that can be used to open a door or just stand on its own.

In August when h was rebounding from the rebound, he sent a very funny photo to about four people. Me, a couple friends and his current gf. I replied back that has gotta be the funniest thing I have ever seen. He replied, no one else got it.

I said really??? Because that made my day... . Of course, only after did I know he sent it to current gf, but I also knew that this particular photo he took would have cracked him up....and it was funny btw.

So what I am saying is find something that you can share on a deeper level but also claim as something superficial if need be...does that make sense?

[bustingout]

Thanks Heather and Kate. The hardest part for me in all of this has been the kids. They keep me focused and centered though. The help ground me when I start to tailspin.

Kate I get you....sometimes I am able to do that and it can come quite naturally in fact. Other times it feels forced and when it does, I tend not to go through with it.

So the past few days...

I have observed a few things.

H has been responding to texts I sent out. I sent out a text to see what would happen and he responded very surprisingly...and it was nice. This happened twice.

Also, yesterday I found a missed call from him. I assumed he was calling for the kids. Before I could call back, he texted and asked if I could send him pictures of the kids from the summer (even though he was with us..he was not really 'with us' so I guess he doesn't have any pictures of his own). He has NOT ASKED ME FOR ANYTHING in almost three years.

I texted back happily and said yes I will do so.

So what I have noticed is that he does not initiate conversation with me. He is responding to mine. I have not been sending a lot. I have sent a text out twice in the past 4 days; both which received positive responses.

The only other observation I have is that he responded to a text my mom sent him (unrelated to me and him) and his response was thanks, 'I am going to be in your country at the end of the week for a few days'.

He gave her the information and left it at that. So my mom responded with a 'great, we can meet up for even just a coffee'. he said 'of course'.

So, it made me think that he wanted her to know he was going to be in the same country, obviously since he told her, but was a step shy from saying I will come see you. Maybe he wanted her to ask? He does not know where he stands with my mom who also has been hurt by all of this. Last year my mom stopped calling him, saying happy birthday, etc. She started to cut him off.

So thats what I have for now. Do you think I should keep testing these waters with some infrequent texts? phone calls?

[bustingout]

I have been thinking about what I wrote above... I texted again to see what would happen. I got a prompt response again. I also called once.... H picked up right away. Again, forms of communication are pleasant but no real initiative from him. So I am going to relax a bit now with prompting the texts etc for a few days. If he is pulling away from OW he will need his space.

It is curious though ha the hasn't asked to speak to the kids for three days. I wonder if it's becUse of what they told him about wNting him home?

[BrightFuture]

Busting, there are some positive developments. At least he is easier to communicate with and trying to reconnect with the kids. It is interesting about the text with your mom. I would say that he will be waiting for her to invite him or initiate anything, I’m sure he feels guilty and unsecure, and not sure whether he would be accepted. Nevertheless he still replied and told her about his plans.

Maybe the rumors about the split with OW are true. He replies and answers the phone right away, so she might not be around.

Keep your expectations low though.