PatientMan - 6th Edition - Acting Divorced

[PatientMan]

PM . . . why did that ^^^ spook her?

I don't know other than what she said: she felt like she wasn't in control of her own home, that I had stepped in and taken charge, even if it was warranted since I'm the kids' dad 100% of the time no matter where we are.

I don't think it has to make sense...it doesn't have to be logical. That feeling spooked her.

And I'm not blaming her family or saying anyone is out to sabotage anything, but I don't think it was a coincidence that they were in town.

And what does that mean about ever R?

I don't know. It certainly doesn't make it sound promising, does it?

You didn't elaborate much, but it doesn't sound like you were being controlling or overbearing with the kids, or stepping on her toes . . . was it more just the feeling that you were a family again that spooked her?

I think that may be part of it: feeling like a family again.

She said that she felt like she couldn't speak up. Not that there was anything to speak up to, but it made her feel like she used to feel, I guess. I don't know how to say this on a MB to make it sound like I'm not a controlling, overbearing, shouting monster of a man, but I guess I am an intimidating figure, and I don't mean to be, but she has told me that I can be scary.

I have never hit her or threatened her or called her nasty names...ever, EVER, so there is no history of abuse we are combating here. She just has communicated to me in the past that it's very easy for me to be scary, so that is something I always tried to be cognizant of and dial down when parenting the kids. Little girls don't need to be scared of their dad, so I really took that to heart and feel like I have done a good job with that. The girls and I have a fantastic relationship, so much so that they come to me with problems and questions that almost everyone would agree are topics for Mom and not Dad.

Sorry for the slight tangent there, I just wanted to be sure I didn't come across like some crazy control freak of a dad/husband, because that has not been and is not the case. However I come across - which I don't know as I can't see myself - I'm sure is partly just me and also exacerbated by my experience in the Marine Corps.

With XW, I never discounted her opinion or told her that *I* make the decisions or anything of the sort. I never put her down or said "I make more money" or anything at all like that. But I guess she felt that way at times, that I was the decision maker, and that she couldn't or shouldn't speak up. I was older and I guess she felt that meant I called the shots, which comes naturally to me. And that hurts to hear because I never wanted to create that type of environment...we really were/are a good parenting team and for a majority of our marriage had a fantastic relationship.

But what matters is she felt that way, and I guess she felt that way again recently and didn't like it. And it's the perception that matters.

But I take every piece of information I can get and try to improve. I corrected my four year old right in front of XW last night and it didn't seem to bother her...at least based on how she treated me last night which you've already read.

PM, it is painful to read some of your posts, because I see two people who love each other and care about each other, yet cannot be together. And I am not sure I understand why. Do you understand why?

She won't allow it right now. She's like the tide coming in and I'm standing on the shore. Each wave over the last 2 years she comes closer, then recedes, then even closer, and recedes again. But she just won't come all the way to me.

Yet.

-PM