Wouldn't wish this on anyone

[artsy]

Thanks for the reply, AS. I wasn't sure when my post would get out of moderation, so I'll fill in some backstory:

We had intense courtship- both fell in love easily. 1.5 years in, right at the time we got married my dr. Put me on antidepressants because I had major sleeping issues, etc that he felt might be mild depression. Result: killed my libido and made me a zombie. This obviously affected our R. By the time I got off them, the damage had been done and he had started to detach. He became someone who he has admitted he is not proud of (a lot of lying and doing stupid things). He gave ILYBNILWY speech this summer, I did slight 180's- he admits he saw improvements but too late.

Literally, 12 hours after he told me he was leaving, his whole demeanor changed. I think the fantasy wore off and reality hit. He tells me he loves me, but is terrified of getting hurt again ( I have heard "terrified" and "scared" many many times the past month).

I have read DB and DR- they are okay, but none of the scenarios fit mine. My 180's are: show tons of affection and become the pursuer. He literally told me he NEEDS me to show him affection, and he wants me to call, text, email, etc. BUT, is that really what I should do? The affection, I know he needs, but I don't want to become clingy with the contact. This is where I need some sage advice!!!

I have a DB coach- H says he wants to work on US, but we have not defined what that means, which is a problem. Right now he is hiding- working almost 18 hours a day to avoid having to really be in his own head. This will become a problem down the road, because I'm afraid he won't make any progress due to the avoidance.

Believe me, I know it's going to take time! I think it will be up to me to decide how much I can take, unfortunately. Hard to understand the thought process when WAS is telling you loves you bunches, but then walks out the door to go back to his hiding place!